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July 2001

From the Shredder Room…

           (Every once in a while our intrepid spies in Omaha uncover a real gem.-Ed.)

           From: Ike

           To: Dick, c/o Omaha Cold Storage, Inc.

           Dick, you did a great job at the Senate subcommittee hearing in May.  Why these Surface

           Transportation Board jerks continue to question our management strategy is beyond me,

           especially since we coughed up a lot of bread to buy them off. We even sent our flagship

           train—that’s the one with the really big wheels—to Los Angeles so we could entertain Cheney

           and Vice President Bush.

           You know, if we had a stick of track in West Virginia, I’d give the order to rip it up right now,

           and damn our friends in the Republican Party.  Remind me to put Governor Rockefeller on our

           “enemies list.”  That brings up my next point.  We need a plan to improve our image. Our

           constant barrage of phony publicity is only effective on our #1 customer—the inane middle

           managers we’ve rescued from oblivion at real companies. But that rubbish about us not telling

           our shippers how much we’ll charge them to haul toaster ovens and martini glasses from point

           A to point B really frosts my balls.  As a matter of fact, I disguised my voice and called up our

           service center about six months ago, and when they get around to returning my call I’m sure I’ll

           have a great freight rate.  Do you think our competition can do better?

           So, what’s with our critics?  They’re attacking us from every angle. Sadly, most of the damage

           seems to come from our own ranks, which is why we must hire, train, and cut off new

           employees more efficiently.  We really need to get our new hires from the bottom of the food

           chain, and that applies to management as well. I still like my idea about using our employees as

           collateral for new locomotives.   My pals at the Bonfire-of-the-Vanities Country Club, the

           mostly all-white place I’ve told you about, think that’s a great idea.

           Back to my main point, we should get Cheney to sponsor federal legislation to make it a felony

           when anyone fails to show the proper respect for our logo.  That includes anyone who sports a

           UP bumper sticker on a vehicle, plays with model trains, or engages in any manner of thought

           which could be construed as an assault on our company, its colors, logo, including but not

           limited to any facsimile, reproduction, draft, comic book, film or digital photograph, toilet

           paper or cocktail napkin doodle.  And I really like the idea of thought crime, too. I want to see

           something about that in the next UP rulebook.  Think of it: new hires can begin service with a

           strike against them before showing up to work.

           And what’s this about prohibiting crews from alighting from moving equipment?  Didn’t we

           have them doing something different a while back?  More to the point, I didn’t realize we still

           had employees on freight trains.  What happened with our plans to automate the railroad?

           Anyway, I think the solution should be that 50% of the crews alight from moving equipment,

           and the other 50% should not.  I tell you, my experience building rocket-powered toaster ovens

           comes in handy at least once a day.

           To close on a related note, I understand that Roseville continues to not meet our fake

           efficiency goals.  It’s time to show Shudak the door.  Have someone remind him to remove his

           tie before he uses the knife. 

           We Get Letters, Part 1

           Snakebites:

           Working the Conductor's Extra Board, I did call the UP Help Number with regards to

           work/rest problems that was in the AM/PM Brochure.  I was given Dennis Holland's phone

           number (402-271-4155) and told him how exhausted I was with being called on my rest.  I

           asked him what can he do for me. His response was a lot of words telling me about the

           complexity of the problem, the long standing problems with an industry that's 150 years old,

           etc. - outright verbal fakery!  I simply said that I had worked almost 30 years as a conductor

           and the schedule was killing me.  I asked what's the purpose of the AM/PM Brochure if he's

           unwilling to help me.  Dr. Holland said that I'm lucky to be aware of my serious chronic fatigue

           problem "that the AM/PM Brochure is try and reach out to those who don't know that they

           have a health problem".

            If you're confused and tired, please call Dr. Dennis Holland in Omaha for sleep therapy.

           Please be advised that he only works from 8 to 5.  Daylight hours - five days a week.

           J. J. Sheridan, Eugene, OR

            Editor’s Corner: Cans of Worms

            I’m getting word that our brothers and sisters in the shop crafts have put a crimp in Uncle

           Pete’s operation in North Platte. Seems the carrier won’t bargain in good faith (what a surprise)

           and so the shop folks have decided to give them their money’s worth.  Follow all rules, 100%

           compliance with FRA regs, do it right.  In their normal humanitarian fashion, UP’s

           dysfunctional Labor Relations department goes to court (sound familiar?) to solve a problem

           they can’t.  Bottom line?  UP is running scared by these actions, because sooner or later this

           kind of thing is going to show up in front of a judge they haven’t bought yet with the sense to

           say, “Hey, these are YOUR RULES and these are FEDERAL REGULATIONS, so why

           punish your employees for compliance?”  More to come…The popular and widely circulated

           COLA petition is still out there nationwide.  If you haven’t seen it, let the editor know via our

           e-mail and a copy will be forwarded…..UTU/BLE courtship is on again, so stay tuned for the

           latest chapter in this soap opera.  Best bet:  Start over again with a constitutional convention

           with NEW delegates….Overnight Trucking employee/stockholders are suing the company’s

           management for damages caused by their  mishandling of the recent labor disputes there.  An

           example of big Dick’s attitude toward you. (he’s named as a defendant) ….Our friends at CMS

           say the new computer system is going on-line shortly after the first of the year.  Didn’t say

           what year…In case you might forget, Safety is Numero Uno on the UP, BNSF, NS and other

           outlaw, out of control carriers.  Right.  The new policies are being implemented as you read

           this.  Intimidate the hell out of injured employees and blackmail, coerce or otherwise prevent

           them from reporting injuries.  Hell, no reportables, no problem, right?  Federal and state

           regulators should look into this ASAP, if they’re not too busy having lunch and schmoozing on

           the carriers dime.  Write everything down as soon after an incident as you can and call your

           union guy!  The carriers will send their damage control sleazeballs in and try to cover up any

           and all truth.  It’s very plain to anyone who has ever had to deal with this kind of thing that all

           the nations railroads are in on this cover-up and don’t care whether you live or die…Recently

           seen in Roseville Yard: Managers with spray paint and stencils re-numbering cars in the

           departure yard.  Who says your list isn’t right?…Snakebites is sponsoring yet another inane

           contest.  This time we ask our readers for the REAL definition of DP. (No, it doesn’t really

           mean Distributed Power) Recent entrants include: Dysfunctional Process, Dumb People,

           Delaying Program, Deadly Push: well, you get the idea.  Send your entries to the editor and if

           we publish yours, you’ll get 3 days and one night in the basement of the new tower at N.

           Platte…In the meantime, work safe, follow the rules and look out for each other,

            Sarge  

           We Get Letters, Part 2

           Dear Snake,

           Thought you might like to hear how the safety hot line tool is used at Albina.  When a safety

           issue is reported to the 'hot line' the manager in charge of the area where the issue exists gets

           pissed off.  He then gets the manager of the person reporting the safety issue to unite with him

           to impose retribution on the employee(s) reporting the problem.

           Now the employee(s) feels the entire issue should be handled by their unnamed Union.  Where

           upon the managers have a meeting with the Union representative stating that more retribution

           is in line for the employee(s) reporting the issue in the first place and, by the way, since the

           union representative was in the room at that instance here is an extra dose of retribution for

           you as well.

           Moral of the story: The safety Hotline 'tool' is not now and never will be used again by the

           employee(s) group to solve a safety issue. Why did the 'great big blundering railroad'

           management start the thing in the first place?  Obviously, as a public relations tool, not a tool

           to address safety problems.

           Another shell-shocked employee

           Dog Days

           Recently a UP Online story featured the unusual rescue of a police dog, which suffered heat

           stroke while chasing some bad guys off a train in Southern California’s desert area.  The valiant

           canine was rescued through the combined efforts of UP police, operating and maintenance

           employees with the assistance of the California Highway Patrol, who supplied the helicopter to

           airlift the dog to a local hospital.  (Human hospital, that is.)

           After heroic efforts by the MDs there he was released to the vets, who said he had a good

           chance for a full recovery.  We applaud this humane effort, BUT…….This note from one of

           our LCs.

            I have members, along with other locals who have had members who have suffered heat stroke

           and heat exhaustion that were not transported by helicopter to the hospital. But I can see the

           difference:

           1. The dogs take longer to train than conductors. 

           2. They don't have any dogs on the cutoff board, so it would take longer to 

           replace them. 

           3. Dogs can't read, so they were not sent Union Pacific Publication on Heat 

           Stress. 

           4. No FELA Attorney's are representing this craft, at this time. 

           5. Conductors, you can bark all you want, but unless you’re capable of biting, don't expect a

           helicopter. 

           Wayne Hudgins 

           Local Chairman 

           UTU Local 1846

           Of Special Note…

           Southern Pacific Switchman D.D. Berg has decided to retire this month, after 42 years of

           service here in Roseville. Del has seen a lot of changes around here over the years, some good,

           some not.  But he has always kept his good humor and has the respect of all who know him.

           The editors and staff of Snakebites, as well as all the Roseville Switchmen, Trainmen

           Engineers and Officers, wish him a happy, healthy and enjoyable retirement. 

June 2001

  Latest Industry News

  Due to the escalation of fuel prices and the dwindling economy the CSX, in continuing efforts

  to reduce the work force and conserve money, announced that it would run trains without

  crews. Although the media was alerted to a runaway train an unidentified spokesman for the

  CSX said all was going well until some knuckleheaded hero jumped the train and applied the

  brakes. CSX estimates that overall savings from running trains with no crews would spur the

  economy and cause their stock to skyrocket. "We just wanted to be the first to run trains

  without crews, we heard the new NS motto ‘Employee Free in 2003’ so we decided we better

  get on the band wagon.” CSX officials are determining whether to write up the trainmaster for

  boarding an engine while it was moving. Labor organizations are still trying to decide who gets

  to timeslip the “heroic” company officer.

  A Modest Proposal…

  (Editor’s note:  this article was sent to the UTU News with a request to publish. 

  Don’t hold yer breath.)

  Since 1985 we've been told half a loaf was the best we could do. The 1985 agreement

  produced 10.5% in wage increases over 5 years while eroding miles, arbitrary payments,

  deadheads and created a dual pay system that treats post '85 members as if they don't equally

  risk their lives or take extended time away from their families. Another outrageous example

  was the 1991 agreement that gave us 10% over 6 years while inflation spiked up 30% (20%

  immediate loser) and demanded road employees forfeit another 22 miles (42% ultimate loser).

  The 1996 agreement produced 10.5% over 5 years in general wage increases while cutting

  deadhead payments and back loaded ("off" during agreement period) a partial cost of living

  adjustment to 1999. Only 56 cents per hour was produced over the entire five-year period due

  to the 50% limitation clause that only considers "Half the increase in the CPI during any

  measurement period." I imagine it would therefore include 100% of any decrease should there

  ever be a deflationary period, very clever!

  We are told to swallow another 11% over five years without COLA during the life of the 2000

  agreement to "advance" to a new pay system. These "Trip Rates" will be established by

  averaging in deadheads, creating unknown, future reduced rates that will end the dual pay

  disparity. It's interesting at this point because unlike before, current typical US wage increases

  are averaging 4.5% according to the Federal Reserve with corresponding five year 

  union contracts across the country coming in at 25% or more. In original proposed form, after

  the new agreement runs out in 2005, COLA kicks back "on" at 50 cents on the dollar with a

  new cap, reduced from today's 8% to 6%. Gee, can't wait!

  Blank check "Trip Rates" determined by the carrier, no COLA, then half-a-COLA after five

  years, automatic markup and 11% over five years with no increase in meal allowances are the

  "best we can do," once again. Anybody see a pattern here? Are we actually to continue to pay

  the dues to this organization? Or, since the employer benefits most, is there a provision for the

  carriers will pick up the dues? I must have missed it. You can't possibly expect us to continue

  to pay for this kind of "representation," or can you? 

  Just how dumb are we?  That might be the real question.

  I would propose an hourly rate of pay with overtime after eight hour minimum per call for

  every employee, based on pre-'85 current earnings for miles, arbitrary payments and claims; A

  five day week established for road employees by paying overtime starts after 11 trips

  completed per pay period; 11% in general wage increases over five years would only be

  acceptable if a FULL COLA without 50% limitation clause or reduced cap continued during

  the entire agreement period and beyond. This might be worth considering a longer-term

  contract with additional general/COLA wage raises. 

  Is this pie in the sky or a reasonable resolution to the current watered down wages and dual

  pay disparity? Is over $30C/$35E per hour straight time achievable? Only by federating with

  ALL other rail unions in a "we won't sign until everybody signs" oath to combat the carriers

  divide and conquer strategy that has been so successful in the past. These last two paragraphs

  are my opinion, others may have better proposals I hope they will submit.

  Bob Webb, UTU local 240, Los Angeles

  Why We Don’t Need Conductors 

  I’ve been thinkin’ this over for a while and I finally decided how we can solve one of the

  biggest problems the railroads and unions have.  Namely, what to do with all them damn

  conductors! These guys have shuffled papers and slept on duty for years, up until they took

  away the brakemen.  Now all they do is bitch about having to do the former brakie’s work,

  generally while avoiding it altogether.  As far as sleeping and shuffling papers go, we already

  have tons of managers who get paid to do these things.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve been

  known to take a nap or two in my day and shuffle a switch list now and then.  But there’s a big

  difference.  Switchmen can actually read a switch list.  (Well, most of ‘em.)  They also know

  how to operate cut levers, tie hand brakes and actually switch cars!  What a concept!  Most

  conductors have a severe allergic reaction when instructed to do these things. Now that UP

  and other carriers have figured out how to promote hogheads to switchmen, the answer is right

  in front of us!  We can finally get all operating guys in one union, too!  We’ll call it SUNA.

  What, you’ve heard that name before?   Lemme ‘splain it to you.  We’ve got switchmen,

  engineers and groundhogs (promoted to switchman).  We send all the conductors over to the

  short lines where they can be in charge of everything and exercise their egos.  Make the whole

  damn railroad yard limits, and run it with our new class of employees:  Switchineers.  Then we

  form the Switchineers Union of North America.  Unity at last!  Don’t ya just love it???

   As always, Snake.

  We Get Letters….

  I was going through my mail today, switching out the bills from the junk, and was about to toss

  out a piece of junk mail when I happened to see it was from UPRR. I’m sure by now, you have

  all received and read, with much enthusiasm, PROJECT AM / PM. If you did toss it, your first

  instinct was correct, it was just more junk mail from UPRR on how they are progressively

  addressing fatigue issues. Just when you think these assholes couldn’t possibly shovel one more

  load of manure on the pile, they succeed (sic). This pyramid of B.S. is now of such a size it

  should be labeled as the Eighth Wonder of the World, but I digress.

  This PROJECT AM / PM magazine was just chock full of all the catchy buzz words, bullet

  points and check lists that are meant to inspire the dim witted reader (which includes the FRA)

  that the UPRR is serious about addressing fatigue issues. I need to vent so I’ll just scream this

  at the top of my lungs before finishing this. “HORSESHIT!”

  This is the same company that is keeping our extra boards so short, that people are getting out

  on their rest. Short boards did solve their inadequate train line-ups. Who needs a line-up when

  you know you are going to get called in 8 hours. But line-ups are another pack of lies that

  deserve their own report. Because the extra boards are depleted, they have turned the pools

  into extra boards, placed blocks on lay-offs, denied personal leave days and even hard-timed

  one old head for having the audacity to request bereavement leave!

  The UPRR canceled the first generation of work/rest extra boards because when the choice

  was between addressing fatigue or squeezing money from the employees, the almighty dollar

  took priority. PROJECT AM / PM will take the same backseat to budget. If it ends up costing

  too much money to have rested employees, this project will die the same quiet death as did

  Quality programs and soon SAC-P.

  The magazine purports that UPRR will soon have PROJECT AM / PM coordinators (which

  should cause a stampede of OS junkies elbowing each other to get at the trough). PROJECT

  AM / PM is doomed if they go toe to toe with PROJECT CMS. As we all have learned, it is

  CMS who really runs this railroad and every other department is subordinate to CMS (including

  Labor Relations).

  In closing, this slick magazine is packed with good information and put out by well-intentioned

  people. The UPRR, however, is merely putting on a show while they are really lying to their

  employees, the stockholders, the government, and the public. Their bottom line is that they are

  only willing to address fatigue issues if it doesn’t cost them money.

  Grumpy Old Switchman

  Dumb-Assed Switchman of the Month

  It’s not often that we talk about a manager in terms that can be called positive, and getting this

  award is a mixed blessing.  In fact, whenever Snakebites mentions a company officer by name,

  his career as a railroad officer is somewhat ambiguously affected.  That is, he’s generally

  screwed.  But anyway…

  This month we honor G.L.“Punky” Poff, DTO here in Roseville, with the “Union Pacific

  Micro-Managed-to-Death” award for his forbearance in being only four miles from the regional

  VP’s office and having the General Super in the same place.  In spite of these two wonderful

  folks, our recipient has successfully operated a railyard designed by incompetent communists

  who were determined to destroy America’s transportation system but got hired by UP instead.

  What has this to do with the D-A-S award, you may ask?   Well, before he went nuts and

  became a company officer, this guy was actually a real, live switchman.  So congratulations,

  Punky, you just won a cheeseburger and a warm beer.  Nobody ever said life was fair.

  Griever’s Corner

  Following their infamous blundering non-success with “Team West Colton” UP has decided to

  try it again in the Pacific Northwest.  Our spies tell us that due to a recent management

  screw-up on the Portland Service Unit, the various and sacred UP numbers fell apart around

  Brooklyn and Albina Yards.  Labor Relations, in their constant quest to avoid agreement

  compliance, has now determined that it’s easier to call our General Counsel and threaten a

  lawsuit than to bargain in good faith with the General Committee involved.  Next up:  “Team

  Albina”, with predictable results…In the same vein, our spies in San Antonio tell us the Super

  there has sent a message to all his managers offering free tickets to the Spurs play-off for the

  drone who gets the most Act 3’s (investigations).  Way to go Gary, there’s a special place in

  Hell for folks like you…UP’s propaganda dep’t. is in full defensive mode, threatening to sue,

  after being blasted by the cyber-games folks.  Seems they took offense at having the UP logo

  and big-yellow locomotives used in Microsoft’s computer simulation railroad game.  They say

  they’re afraid someone might learn how to steal a locomotive and wreak havoc on America’s

  rail system.  No other company objected to their ID used in this harmless game, but then the

  UP has screwed up America’s rail system in the last few years far worse than some foamer on a

  computer could ever dream of.  Let’s face it, they’re just afraid someone might have a little

  fun…Our fearless leader, the great Dick, appeared before Congress last month,  along with

  some other so-called leader of industry, to beg for more corporate welfare and less regulation.

  One of his remarks before a Senate subcommittee was that the UP was “strong & healthy”, but

  was “losing ground.”  How’d you like to hear your doctor say that about you?….Our spies in

  the south have sent us word that many of the generators that disappeared from the property

  last winter are turning up at flea markets and garage sales around the area.  Seems most of

  them worked for about a week and then quit.  Sounds like UP new hires….Local stuff: We

  finally had a derailment in the yard they can’t blame on one of us!  This is important, so mark

  your calendars.  This may never happen again.  Heads up, though, ‘cause they’ll be looking to

  hang the next one on some poor slob who probably wasn’t even on duty…..On this subject, I

  might as well repeat the Roseville Switchmen’s motto:  Never have so many labored so long to

  move so few cars to no place in particular.  Then we come back tomorrow and do it again.

  Sometimes the same cars…Remember the new folks that were in training around the first of

  the year?   We hear most of them have told the UP to stuff it and gone out and got real jobs.

  Who says the new folks aren’t getting smarter?   This outfit continues to step over dollars to

  pick up dimes, but I guess it’s in the budget…Anyway, work safe, do what you’re told and look

  out for each other.

  Sarge

  Quote of the Month

  “Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?”

  Ike Evans

April 2001

           All the News that’s Fit to Print

           UP is busy lobbying the Nebraska legislature to give them a tax break to do what they had

           planned anyway.  Up to 500 jobs are to be transferred to Omaha from St. Louis and other

           locations.  That is, as long as Uncle Pete gets a free tax ride from the taxpayers of Omaha and

           the rest of Nebraska in the form of up to 15% off their property, building and other state

           taxes.  Wake up, folks!  Remember the term “corporate welfare”?  This way they get a free ride

           on the new building they propose and can dump the old, patched up headquarters building off

           on some unsuspecting local real estate broker and his equally dumb banker. 

           UP never did anyone any favors.  To allow the state legislature to pass a law which will be sold

           to the public as “for the public good”, or “ it’ll get more employment in our local area.”

           Is absolute bullshit!  Anyone who can honestly say that the Union Pacific Railroad has given

           more to any community they have touched than they have stolen from that community is out

           of touch with reality. 

           A Seasonal Note

           A conductor in Livonia yard was charged with not checking to see if the switch was free of

           debris before lining it. It seems that an officer placed an egg in the switch points as a test, the

           conductor saw the egg and figured gee, that’s funny, and lined the switch. So now we're all

           Easter Egg hunting!    It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.

           View from the Hump

           For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, the Roseville Hump has been a source of

           heartburn for UP management ever since the first car rolled down the lead through about a

           thousand Dowty retarders and shot out the other end of the bowl like a scalded cat.  This

           should have been a wake-up call to the poor fools in charge of the Grand Opening, (most of

           whom are no longer in positions of authority) but the message was lost in UP’s usual massive

           system of denial and blame.  So here we are, almost two years later, and does it work?  Well,

           that depends on who you ask. 

           The engineering and design types have long since disappeared, covering their tracks behind

           them, so the local managers are left holding the bag.  According to them, the whole thing just

           needs to be “fine-tuned” a bit and we’ll be humping 1800 cars a day like clockwork.  On the

           other hand, the Switchmen and Yardmasters who have to work this mess every day, day in and

           day out, know the hard truth.  This “Jewel of the West” yard is a failure and the only thing

           holding the whole fiasco together is the hard work of experienced employees who know that if

           it totally fails their jobs are on the line. 

           The new management buzzword this month is “accountability.”  OK guys, who’s accountable

           for the 150 mil you bozos dumped into this bottomless pit?   Who’s going to fix this

           monumental screw-up?  I’m waiting……..

           I.M. Pissed, Conductor and UP Stockholder

           We get Letters, Part 23

           Has anyone ever considered the thought of filing a lawsuit against Union Pacific Railroad for

           unreimbursed expenses that the company forces on its employees?  I believe that the

           dislocation and travel expenses we occur as trainmen should not be a burden to the employees

           or the IRS.  Union Pacific Railroad has shifted their operating costs on to us to the point where

           putting food on the table is an issue.  The employees pass these expenses on to the IRS, which

           should not be their burden, either.  Our contracts have imposed major hardships on families,

           and it is time for us to take a stand.  There have been successful judgements against

           corporations who have forced employees to cover operating costs.  (Kerr v. Snap-On Tool

           Co.)  The employees had to agree to cover the operating costs as a condition of employment

           and they still won!  IT IS TIME!

           Going Broke in Oregon as UP stock continues to rise.

           Griever’s Corner

           Last time we stepped in it big time and forgot to credit our brothers in San Antonio for the

           “Deadhead from Hell story.”  Our apologies.  Check out their website at www.upsasu.org .

           Stood up again dep’t:  February’s local chairmen’s meeting with Superintendent Sheetrock was

           shot down at the last minute because this money-short, tight fisted operation had to send its

           senior officers 300 miles to see 10 cars on the ground at Dunsmuir, CA. At least we didn’t

           have to duck flying office supplies….Don’t give a drop of your blood or any other fluid to the

           carrier. (Yeah, I know all the wisecracks.)  The Big Nothing So Far got caught trying to

           genetically classify its employees as to their propensity to injury.  Look out, folks, the RRs are

           trying to evade their responsibility once again.  If you’re hurt, shut up and ALWAYS call a

           Union Officer….Norfolk Southern, one of Uncle Pete’s competitors, has announced that it has

           given its senior management a substantial bonus this year, in spite of lackluster performance.

           Of course, this means that the Rev. Ike and Dickie Boy will get their usual totally underserved

           and lofty sums very soon. After all, the NS can’t do better than us, can they? …Coming up on

           our web site:  The Foothill Chronicles, the dramatic and exciting story of one service unit’s

           struggle to solve all the problems inherent in running a semi-successful railroad in Northern

           California… Trainmaster Jack Fuller has chosen to leave the Union Pacific Railroad.  This may

           not sound like a big deal unless you know Jack. You’ll notice that I called him Trainmaster, the

           traditional title of a railroad officer, not some kind of three-letter “manager.”  Jack has always

           been admired and respected by the troops out in the field.  He is a fair and humane officer who

           gets the job done without harassment and will not tolerate the kind of bullying and anti-social

           behavior so common on today’s UP.   Jack is from the old school.  If you screw up, you may

           get an ass-chewing, but not a “level” to get you closer to being fired.  I’ve known a lot of

           officers in my railroad career, but few have measured up to this guy.  Once again, UP has run

           off some of the best help they ever had. 

           Work Safe, and keep an eye on the new guys…..

           Sarge

           Quote-of-the-Month

           “The most subservient slaves are those who have been told they’re free and don’t know any

           better.” 

           Wm. B. Leavenworth

           Free Railroad Rules Classes (Paid Advertisement)

           “Union Pacific offers FREE rules instruction in several locations to all those interested. We

           guarantee that if you pass our classes, you will get:  A seniority number, a cushy spot on the

           cut-off board, a stack of bills you can’t pay, less-than-pocket-change unemployment benefits,

           low self-esteem, managers who will say, “It’s all your fault!”, and a nervous twitch whenever

           you see the color yellow.  Results may vary.  Prior experience and engineer certification mean

           nothing.  Call 1-800-CUT-MEOFF today for your FREE information packet.  Remember, you

           must be willing to give up the good job you have now and wait for UP to call you, so don’t

           have a life.  Management positions always available due to high turnover.”

           (Thanks to Bat M. for the idea) 

           History Lesson

           The standard gauge for railroads in most of the English-speaking world is 56 1/2 inches.  One

           may wonder how this came about, but it’s really quite simple.  Early  railways in England and

           Ireland were built by the same folks who built the tramways, which had existed since before

           the industrial revolution. And these tramways were built on the same pattern as wagons had

           been built for hundreds of years before that.  In order to avoid destroying their wheels and

           axles on the rough roads of the time, they were designed to run in the existing ruts.  Most of

           the major roads of the time had ruts in them for centuries.  They were part of the system of

           Roman roads built throughout the empire to accommodate the war chariots of Imperial Rome,

           which were pulled by two horses.  Specifications and bureaucracies live forever.  So the next

           time you are told to do something and ask what horse’s ass came up with this idea, you’ll know

           the answer. It probably took two of them.  Because Roman war chariots were made just wide

           enough to accommodate the back end of two horses, the pattern was set for railroad

           management for centuries.  Some things never change.

           (Special thanks to Annie O.)

           Bye-bye, boys!

           In their never-ending quest to rid themselves of former SP officers, UP has offered an early

           retirement/buy-out to those who qualify.  Our spies in Omaha tell us that the carrier has

           decided they can get by with fewer useless managers so, in their usual logical fashion, they get

           rid of the most qualified.  Of course, this makes the ones who remain behind look better

           because the smart ones they used to compare them to are gone.  Here in Roseville we bid

           farewell to Ed Kief, Ed Wiseman and Lt. Dan.  Keif and Wiseman have been replaced but

           nobody can fill the shoes of Lt. Dan.  We understand there is a system-wide search going on to

           find a qualified water-bottle officer.   Our condolences to the survivors.

           We Get Letters, again

           Ed. Note: I get about 10 or so like this every month.  What do you think?

           I am a railfan in former CNW territory in Central Iowa. My  grandfather (R.I.P.) worked 25

           years for the CNW as a switchman. First off, the UP's prize Overland Route across Iowa has

           53 slow orders on one main alone between Boone and Clinton, IA. Reminds me of what the

           CNW main was in the 1970's. Pretty soon, you will hear of a wreck on this line.  Many days,

           trains are backed up waiting to get into Clinton. On the Spine Line, south of Des Moines is a

           parking lot, with sidings blocked holding dead trains. It's a mess! 

           Dave, Sons of the CNW

           The Last Straw…

           As I’m sure most of the SP west folks have already heard, the “Team West Colton” concept

           has gone right in the crapper thanks to a leaked communication between the nazi minions in

           their further quest to destroy what’s left of the little trust we ever had for UP management.

           Nice going, guys.  Dick will probably give you all a promotion for this one.  Either that or kick

           your stupid butts.

           The carrier and UTU came to a meeting of the minds and dropped the ridiculous lawsuit

           against some of the members there for supposedly slowing down their operations.  Nobody

           ever gave a thought to the fact that these number-crunchers have tied both hands behind our

           backs in the name of injury prevention so that we can’t get anything done, anyway.

           Nevertheless, they continue to persecute the very folks who make their meaningless jobs

           possible in the first place.  Bottomfeeders in Roseville, set-‘em-up and bust ‘em in West Colton

           are just the beginning.  Incompetent, arrogant jackasses like these are now in charge where

           railroaders used to rule.  The editors of Snakebites believe that the solution lies in doing

           exactly as you are told.  If you do exactly as you are told they have no way to attack you.  In

           fact, things will go into the dumpster so fast they won’t be able to bring in new managers fast

           enough to screw it up into the next level. (Pardon the term!)  So, Remember:

           We always work safely, we do not “slow down”, since it is illegal, we only do as we are told. 

           Gee, we’re sorry your railroad doesn’t work any more, guess you forgot how to do this stuff in

           your rush to bolster the stock price and make sure you get your bonuses.  Please let us know

           how else we can help. 

           Special note to every Superintendent on the UP who instructs their managers to harass or

           intimidate the troops:  Today you are the big guy, tomorrow you are just another poor dumb

           unemployed jerk.  We union folks out here will always have a job.  Will you?   Probably not. 

           I remember the guy who said, “Can’t we all just get along?”

           It’s too late, I think.   You lose.

           Show  Me The Money!

           Local 492 here in Roseville has put out an informative and useful booklet about how to get

           your claims handled.  The examples are mostly for Trainmen but the general info is so good we

           recommend it to all crafts.  You may download a copy from their website: www.utu492.org  .

           Good job, Local 492!

             SNAKEBITES is published as a public nuisance by the Roseville switchmen.  Any resemblance to the characters

               portrayed here and someone in the real world is probably an accident, but we do get it right once in a while.

            Contributions are always welcome, provided you work for free and enjoy having your stuff ripped to pieces by our

                     editor.   Communications may be sent to: editor@snakebites.org, www.snakebites.org

Febuary 2001

The News and Nothing but The News

The folks at the BLE kicked the Evil Empire right in the shins on Friday, ,Jan. 27, when they called a
strike on the UP because of the Nazi tactics of labor relations and the puppet masters who so gleefully
pull their strings. Of course, the UP pulled a snoozing judge out of bed and got a temporary restraining
order against the people who make them rich enough to afford this sort of thing. Way to go, BLE,
More power to ya. Next time kick ‘em a little higher, OK? We hear the UP found out about this
“secret” strike when a BLE officer called in to lay off. When they said he couldn’t, he said, “It’s really
important. I gotta get ready for the strike!”

It Never Rains in Southern California…

A powerful winter rainstorm dumped heavy rains over the Los Angeles Basin including East LA yard.
Uncle Pete in his divine wisdom saves a nickel by refusing to maintain the yard tracks then loses a dollar
on the back side when wide gauge derailments occur costing repairs to equipment and lost man-hours
(but hey - that comes out of someone else's budget!) Thursday January 11 saw several M.U.'ed switch
engines being hostled toward the backshop lead for service go on the ground after the rail gave out.
The occurrence drew the usual crowd of finger pointing manager types from Operating, Mechanical and
Track departments. While the blame game was going on, none of these skilled leaders saw fit to place a
red flag between the rails to prevent another such event until repairs could be made.
Fast forward to Friday January 12. A large road locomotive went on the ground at the same location
because there was no red flag warning of defective rail! The ELA trainmaster was just about ready to
put the gun barrel into his mouth after that repeat incident. Not an hour later the lead from the wye
experienced a broken rail effectively paralyzing the entire west end of the yard as the dispatcher could
not give a signal. At this writing the yard is still trying to dig itself out of the muck. Power is stacking up
and trains are being rescheduled. Regards from the front,
JB

More Tales from Texas or; The Deadhead from Hell

Hello Fellow Railroad Co-workers, I just wanted to share a little story with all of you. I was called off
the XE30 board to protect a yard job in Laredo at the Port at 22:00 Sun Dec.10th. I put off duty at
05:00 Mon. Dec.11th to deadhead back to San Antonio, at which time a carry-all was called. The driver,
a local long haul from Laredo, showed up at the Port at 07:00. By coincidence, a San Antonio conductor
was also there protecting a different job and was riding back with us. We departed the Port at 07:10.
The driver took a shortcut across the median from the Port due to construction, putting us at the Border
Patrol Checkpoint Station at 07:15. Unlike normal times, when Border Patrol Agents usually wave long
haul limos thru, we were stopped, and asked our citizenship. While doing so, a Border Patrol drug dog
began sniffing the van. Agents asked us to pull over to the side for a more detailed search. The driver
seemed nervous at this time for no apparent reason. Three agents, along with the dog handler came to
the van and asked for us all to get out. The dog jumped in the van and within seconds was going crazy.
Then we were all placed under arrest for trafficking marijuana! When I asked to see what they were
talking about, I saw a brick of marijuana inside a box of our drinking water, next to two six-packs of the
water. After being arrested, handcuffed, fingerprinted, photographed and stripped of all my personal
belongings, we were placed in a holding cell (not pretty). Moments later, agents brought in 5 cases of
our drinking water from the van, unloading brick after brick of marijuana, a grand total of 51 lbs. in all.
F.Y.I., anything over 50 lbs. goes straight to being a DEA case! Three and one-half hours later, the DEA
folks showed up to begin questioning. After another hour had passed, the long haul driver FINALLY
confessed that it was his. We were detained for four and one-half hours! THE BEST PART...The MTO
in Laredo was notified of our situation 15 minutes into it! NOT ONE single person from the UNION
PACIFIC RAILROAD came to help us! After our release, we waited for another 2 hours for a
McCormick long haul to come from Kingsville to take us home. BRAVO U.P. and BRAVO
MCCORMICK. Beware of those water boxes in the vans!

“…this is Healthy Worker Speaking…”

Just when you think you've seen it all, they take the term "outrageous" to a new level. It's kinda like
watching the Howard Stern show. You know he can be raunchy, degrading, and demeaning, but you
continue to watch, because you don't know what's going to happen next.
I'm talking about the press release that was issued by the company in early February, which announced to
the world that UP had won the " Platinum 'Well Workplace Award' (We were told the other US
company to win was Union Carbide, who distinguished itself a number of years ago by fumigating a
goodly portion of Bopahl, India; an action which resulted in hundreds of deaths.)

So, how did the UP win this award and who gave it to them? The press release goes on to say that the
"Wellness Council of America" gave it to them for: ". . .the Railroad's commitment to excellence in the
pursuit of enhancing employee health and well-being. . ."This award recognizes those organizations that
have successfully linked workplace health promotion objectives with business outcomes.”

Lets all just sit down, take some deep breaths, and try to keep our collective blood pressures under
control, shall we? You want salt, pepper, or salsa with your "balloon juice?!" I know this is supposed to
be a family publication, but I just can't help myself, when I say: BULL SHIT!!!!!

The events of the past 4 weeks alone, have done nothing to improve the health and well being of the
UP's Operating Employees. We have hundreds of people furloughed, extra boards running way too
short, cancellation notices pending on a number of work rest extra board agreements (with more
cancellation notices expected), as well as a ration of pay shortages for conductors, brakemen, and
switchmen who were on duty and under pay when the BLE pulled their surprise work stoppage on
January 26. (Editor's Note: When the BLE pickets went up, many of the crews were already on duty
and did not leave the property). If you believe that this railroad fosters a healthy psychological work
environment, you: 1) Just fell off a turnip truck; 2) Have an office on the 12th floor of the Omaha
Headquarters Building; or 3) All of the above.

As best as I can figure, the "Wellness Award" must have something to do with offshore oil exploration.
From my observations and experiences, the only people that may be living healthier and more satisfied
lives than ever before are the senior executives. They certainly are not in a position to be victimized by
the unilateral and continual CMS/Labor Relations agreement violations...er..... "policy changes,." not to
mention poor train lineups.
The winter hibernation and gestation period has produced a bumper crop of "weed weasels." They
were ejected from the womb with radar guns in one paw, and a laminated plastic cheat sheet of Cardinal
Rules in the other. Hasn't their continued presence on the property enhanced the collective "wellness" of
the operating employees? Yeah...you bet...!

It sounds to me like the UP, frustrated by it's failed efforts to win the coveted "Malcolm Baldridge
Award," went shopping at SEARS, and bought an award instead. They must have found it in the paint
department. If there is indeed a bona fide "Wellness Council," it had to take several thousand gallons of
whitewash to make the awards application look like it was
submitted by the Mother Teresa Foundation.
Until next time, keep the faith and Be Safe.

Griever’s Corner

Back to the same old routine; we work, the carriers try to screw us. The newest wrinkle is the rip-off
started by some drone in Labor Relations to take away an engineer’s PL days because he didn’t have
enough “starts.” Never mind the guy has the whiskers to work a long pool and racks up a jillion miles,
he doesn’t have the starts so he doesn’t get the PL days. Welcome to Hell…Our spies from the south
tell us that UP’s finest set up a few hundred portable generators along the line to provide power during
the late bad weather in that region. They didn’t read the printing on the boxes that said “portable”
though, because several dozen of them disappeared at about 1500 bucks a pop. It’s in the budget, you
know…Several of UP’s finest here have jumped ship to join the Calif. Public Utilities Comm. as
inspectors. Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?….Work/Rest boards are about to become history, as Worker
predicted in December. With the recent furloughs, expect to be called on your rest days and docked by
the TPA folks if you don’t take the call or have the nerve to get a life… Safety first! Locomotive
engineers are being promoted to ground service and some of them have never switched a car in their
careers. Any training? You may ask. Hell, no! Well, at least now they’ll learn what it feels like to ride the
side of a gondola full of junk for two miles in the rain…The bozos in DC have deemed us important
enough to talk about reforming our retirement again. Even got the BLE on board this time. Guess that
means they and the Republicans can take credit for it if it works. Take all the credit you want, boys, just
get me the hell out of here!…. The best part of being a railroader is the ability to lay off when you want.
Guess what? The bastards are trying to steal that, too! UP has an “Attendance Process” that, if allowed
to continue, will kill your right to lay off. Ask your griever, your legislative rep. or whoever, but raise hell
about this one or we might as well work on a chain gang. Asked a Labor Relations guy about this and
he said, “We’re just doing our job, you know.” Right. That’s what the guys who ran Auschwitz said,
too….

Work safe, work smart, and don’t let the “managers” get to you,
Sarge

Dear Dan Landers, advice to the switchworn..

Dear Dan,

I am a 1995 Engineer promoted to the exalted position of Switchman. Being a switchman is much
more demanding and requires much more focus than I ever imagined. After being a student switchman
for three days, I am now the Foreman with my own student. I feel like I have been thrust into a
position that I am not qualified or trained to perform safely. I also have a student who depends on my
ability to teach him railroading, railroading safely. I am so frustrated and angry I could just kick a hole
or two, or three in the wall of the new Command Center. I feel almost out of control!

Should I sign up for psychological help in the Employee Assistance Program, or should I just throw the
nearest thing I can reach at the first Hub Superintendent I encounter?
I understand that a similar incident has already occurred to some poor bastard. Frustration and anger
are prevalent in this combative atmosphere; it makes me wonder if the Hub Superintendent has felt this
way himself.

Dan, my question is about the new upgraded discipline policy. Would someone who did these
out-of-control things, that I am thinking of doing, be retained in service? Would
they charge me with willful destruction of company property and assault, not to mention the obscenities
and vulgarities that I would be shouting as I unloaded my frustration? I would really like to know what
level of discipline was assessed to the uncontrolled individual (Postal worker or former CNW manager)
so that I can plan my next move.

Sincerely,
Straightjacket

Dear Bro Straightjacket,

If you do all of the above actions with guile and finesse, they will make you a Vice President; however, if
you are sloppy and leave witnesses or detectable plaster patches on the walls, you will be sent to the
Harriman Detention Center for psychological observation. Remember, slaves are not fired!

Sincerely,
Your Brother, Dan

December 2000

2nd Annual Snakebites Christmas Wish List

   Lt. Dan wishes he were a Colonel again. (And so do we.)

   Everyone in El Paso wishes us luck.  We offered to send him back, but no takers.

   Touchdown wishes all the officers a Merry Christmas and wants you to know he will be

  spending the holidays with his family, all expenses paid,  while you guys work nights. 

  Last year, Lee Neal was wishing he had a date.  This year, he’s getting married. 

  Be careful what you wish for.

  All the post-85 guys wish TPA would go away so the old heads would realize we are all 

  working for peanuts here.

   Sam K. wishes someone else could be the truant officer.  (Everyone else wishes Sam wasn’t so

  good at his job.)

  Spike wishes he could go to lunch on time, and quit calling him Spike!

  UTU leadership wishes the BLE would shut the hell up.

  BLE leadership wishes the UTU would shut the hell up.

  The membership wishes they would ALL shut the hell up.

  Year-End Wrap-Up: Omaha

   Geez..where do we begin?   As usual, UP’s micro-managing, jerk-off, no-brain, dumb-assed,

  damned-fool, hare-brained, go-to-hell management has brought us to another brink of disaster.

  In spite of everything the bosses have done to this mega-merged railroad, there still seems to

  be a glimmer of life left in the over-worked, over-extended and under-rewarded work force.

  Not that the over-paid, over-rated mangers in Omaha, that pillar of salt in fertile Mid-America,

  could have done anything about it. 

  As usual, Dick and Ike have spent more money on the three-dollar accountants and hack

  writers to fill up the annual report than they do on real railroading.  Indeed, if the operation of

  a real railroad ever came up over the morning coffee in Omaha, they’d probably say something

  like this:

   Ike: “Hey, Dick, look at this report. We’ve got less than 150 recrews system-wide yesterday!”

  Dick: “Hell, Ike.  You still haven’t learned how to read UP stats.  That just means we got

  away with not reporting 150 personal injuries!”

   Ike: “You mean 150 employees got hurt at work yesterday?”

  Dick: “Well, not exactly.  We had 22,356 recrews, but to make this thing work, we had to

  move some of the numbers over to another column so that the ratio of recrews to managers

  bonuses worked out to the reportable injury rate less the FRA bribe quota. Get it?”

  Ike: “Well, gee Dick, I don’t know.  I used to make toasters by the millions and nobody ever

  got hurt that I know of.”

  Dick: “Look, moron, we didn’t hire you to ask questions.  You’re supposed to use your

  influence to jack up the stock price and put your reputation as a straight-up businessman to

  work to cover up the stuff we really do here at UP.  If you can’t handle that, you better look

  for a job in the Bush administration.”

   Ike: “Wait a minute!  You’re saying that if I don’t like it here I can go and get a job with

  government!  Didn’t Dick Cheney do that after he left UP?  My God!!  You guys want me to be

  the next candidate for Vice-President!  This is great!”

  Dick: “Cool your jets, Ivor.  All we really want is to get your semi-honest ass out of here

  before you figure out what we’re really doing and go and tell Phil Anschutz about it.”

  And so it goes………….

  ...This is "Worker" Speaking... 

  I promised the Editor of this fine publication that I would write a "post-election" issue.

  Thanks to the republican hacks in Florida and the US Supreme Court, I got a 36 day

  reprieve....!

  Well, now we have a republican moron from Texas, who was apparently elected by a bunch of

  democratic morons from Florida..  What does that mean for us working stiffs?  I predict four

  years of pain and hardship.  Kiss "work - rest" extra boards good bye, for starters.  The UP was

  agreeable to work rest as a way of getting the FRA off their backs, when fatigued train crews

  started playing "bumper cars" with the equipment.  No need for that now, as we will soon see

  a Bush appointee as the new FRA director.  Likely, the FRA will be transformed from a

  regulatory agency to a society of federally funded trainmasters, who will be setting up Embassy

  Suite style "duck blinds" at your favorite remote sidings to assist the UP weed weasels with

  their efficiency testing.  Not only will you be subject to Upgrade discipline, how ‘bout a nice

  personal fine for an intentional and/or willful violation of the operating rules?  

  Like the TV ad says: "But Wait...There's More....!" 

  Look for nation's railroads to make a serious run at changing or eliminating FELA.  (If you

  don't understand what FELA is, shame on you for not attending any union meetings). 

  Also on the table is our Railroad Retirement Plan, which the republicans would dearly love to

  carve up.  The UTU tried and almost succeeded in getting the Railroad Retirement Act

  changed to permit the old heads to retire at age 60 with 30 years of service.  It would have also

  vested the new employees in the plan after 5 years.  A couple of republican senators, smelling a

  Bush presidential victory, worked to kill it, and so they did.  (While I'm on the subject, let's not

  forget the Democratic Morons over at the BLE and the BMWE, who by NOT supporting this

  important legislation at the outset, delayed its timely handling by congress, a factor which

  contributed significantly to it's demise). 

  Did someone say "National Agreement?"  Given that former UP Board of Directors Member

  Dick Cheney is now our Vice President Elect, I would be very surprised if we even saw a

  national agreement ratification effort.  The word is that the nations railroads are backing away

  from the tentative deal they made with the UTU, figuring that they would be much better off

  with a Dick Davidson appointed....er....President Bush appointed PEB.  If you don't know

  understand what that means, STRIKE TWO, SHAME ON YOU, for not attending any union

  meetings or reading your mail.

  The past 40 days has given us all a remarkable lesson in civics.  It proves beyond any doubt,

  that all branches of our government are infected and influenced by politics.  Ultimately, it was

  a majority of Supreme Court members (appointed by Presidents Reagan and Bush Sr.) that

  decided to give the presidential election to George W. Bush.  Because of retirements, over the

  next four years, "W" will likely have the opportunity to appoint at least 3 new judges to the

  supreme court, and hundreds of federal court judges.  These folks ain't gonna be Democrats!

  Possible Impact: the further eroding of laws dealing with railway safety. 

  Like it or not, it was in the best interest of the working class to see Gore get elected.  I'm still

  amazed at how many blue collar workers and union members continue to support the

  republicans.  Hey...!  What good are your guns if you don't have a job and can't afford to buy

  the ammo?!

  Happy Holidays and until next time, keep the faith and be safe. 

  Safety First Dep’t.

  Editor,

  In the interest of safety the UP policy weenies have had the top gear removed from the quad

  runners the carmen use to work cars to limit the speed these things can go. It seems someone

  somewhere managed to crash one and injure himself. Now they drive with them revved up to

  the redline to keep up with their work. The noise drowns out the not always

  loud telltale air sounds of brake defects.   The last three trips on trains out of West Colton I

  have found bleeders cocked, a cracked reservoir and a missing bolt at a flange gasket. All easy

  stuff to fix or replace but they have to hear it first.

  Monty

   Griever’s Corner: Year in Review

   Well, another year closer to retirement.  Of course, we took two steps backward when the

  BASTARDS in DC shot holes in 60/30.  It’s not dead yet, but in need of major first-aid……

  Last January, they cut jobs and furloughed the new guys.  This January they will cut jobs and

  furlough the new guys.  But wait!  This year they’re gonna train more new guys while the old

  new guys are cut off!!…..The long-planned project to notch the tunnels for double-stacks on

  the Mountain has been cancelled.  Seems a couple of officers and a couple of train crews who

  should have known better ran the stackers against the current east out of Roseville, and they

  made it over the hill with only minimal damage. A few more passes to knock off the bigger

  rocks and the UP will have saved millions…It’s official: since the arrival of our new Super, we

  are no longer in the railroad business, we are in the discipline business.  Investigations have

  tripled……..Bad Joke of The Year: Empowerment. Yeah, right, just try to bad-order that

  (whatever) and see how far you get….. Reverend Ike passes over Sacto:  Our paid informant

  tells us that Mr. Evans’ plane couldn’t land because of fog last week, so we were not able to

  hear the speech he had prepared for the worthy employees. Instead, Jeff Verhaal made a few

  remarks that nobody remembers and the agreement folks all got a day’s pay for showing up.

  It’s in the budget, you know…Remember the Texas test?  Wrap a signal with black cloth and

  then set up a new guy to run past it?  Somebody let me know what happened, please…TWC

  seems to be dying a well-deserved death.  I’d like to hear about this next year, too……Notice

  how the number of OS junkies has dropped?  Rehab works, Brothers!….I got in trouble this

  year with some folks because of my comments about the region meetings and the

  International.  I like those folks, in fact they are the reason I put up with this BS.  But my

  views haven’t changed much. Besides, I like the nickname “Chicken Little.” … We wrote

  about the “good old days” many times this year.  We always felt we performed a public service

  and still made a profit (sometimes).  And we always felt that we were in an honorable and

  historic profession.  No more.  You can be replaced by, well…..On the other hand, the next

  generation of railroaders is in many ways tougher than we are….hopefully, smarter, too.  We’ve

  let our leaders in labor lose touch with us, and let the carriers touch us too much.  If these

  so-called labor leaders and the gangsters the carriers hire for Labor Relations don’t stop playing

  games with the lives of the people who make all this happen, well …. Railroaders, like

  Americans in general, will put up with a lot of bullshit.  But eventually, usually at the last

  minute, they will say, “Enough, dammit!!”  And then there will be hell to pay. 

  My personal best wishes of the season to all of you, and Merry Christmas and a Safe and

  Happy New Year!

  Sarge

  Fly-On-The-Wall Dept.

  Overheard in the LA Super’s office………………

  "Hey, John! I see that accidents are down around 50% in the operating department this year!

  The percentages are down company wide! What are we going to get for a safety award? I've

  noticed that there aren't any sign-up sheets posted for sizes like last year."

   "Well, Joe. They were thinking about UP watches for everybody, but there's no money in the

  budget for a safety award."

   "So, let me get this straight. The company is making HUGE profits, managers are going to get

  a bonus because of all labor cost savings due directly to the layoffs system wide, we're having a

  great safety year, and we'll get NOTHING?"

  "That pretty much sums it up."

  "John, you know what that means, don't you?"

  "No."

   "For some people, that means there's still 2 weeks left in the year to get hurt..."

   Just when you'd thought you'd heard it all...

November 2000

AGREEMENT? WHAT AGREEMENT???

Here at Snakebites your editor gets a lot of mail, e- or otherwise. But this is nuts! Everyone
on the planet must have a copy of the proposed UTU 2000 National Agreement. I got my
first copy from a BLE pirate. Then our pals over at the Underground Railroad started a bunch
of comments on their message board that would lead you to believe that nobody in their right
mind should even read this thing because they are going to tell you what’s in it.
Some of you old farts remember the TV series “Dragnet” with Jack Webb as Sgt. Joe Friday.
And do you remember his famous line, “Just the facts, ma’am.” Well, let me ask that we wait
until all the facts are on the table before we pass judgement on this. Anyway, the bottom line
is this:
Get the facts, make up your own mind, get a shovel so you can get the bullshit out of the way
and make an informed decision.

SAFETY FIRST?
…or, Shut up and do as you’re told.

On the Lordsburg Sub, 09/18/00, from about 0830 to 0915, the following conversations took
place over the radio between the Omaha Dispatcher 40 and EP240....you be the judge.
The EP240 gave the Disp40 a 10mph speed restriction over the west switch Gage, and a 25
mph speed restriction over the east switch Gage. The Disp 40 wanted to know 1) who was
finding these restrictions and 2) was there in fact a crew available to fix these restrictions. The
Disp 40 talked to 'the chief' and told the EP240 that " when the 'Audio Gager' found the third
speed restriction he was to stop work immediately, and not find any more restrictions until the
first three were fixed, and then he could go back to work. We have too many trains out and
running today and it would cost the railroad millions of dollars if we have all these restrictions
out there." Of course the third restriction, a 25mph over the west switch Tunis came shortly
thereafter and the Disp 40 informed the EP240 that that man must stop working.
I happened to be on a 70 mph westward train that day and we started wondering if ANY of
the switches we were approaching were good for a speed in excess of 25 mph. And if we were
to go in the ditch, how many millions would it cost the railroad in damage to track,
merchandise and delay of trains. Let's not even ponder the chance of injury or loss of life.
The two unions are now vigorously pursuing this through the proper channels, hopefully with
a copy of the dispatcher’s tape, and a list of the crews in the area that heard this conversation.
Brothers and sisters, we all really need to understand the rules have changed with the change
of companies we work for. Do your job. Do it safely. And what they really want is for you to
do what you're told. Please do not place my name on this as I don't need my 'level' level to rise.

We Get Letters, Part 1

Dear Snakebites:

At first glance of our newly proposed national contract I was ready to vote a resounding yes for
acceptance. There are just a few minor clarifications I would like answered first, though.

1 - Will the carriers be purchasing enough luxury automobiles for our International
officers so that each railroad can be represented on a vanity plate?
2 - If George W. Bush wins in November, will Charles Little be holding the dual
positions of President of the UTU and secretary of his choice in the
administration?
3 - If Gore wins will he accept what's offered as he is a true Democrat?
4 - Will the completion of the new UTU Spa and Manicure center being built in
Cleveland by the carriers mean an immediate implementation of the historic 'Shit
in a Bag' policy of the Norfolk Southern or will it be phased in gradually across
our nation’s railroads? (if that's the case, our brothers in Louisiana really should
go first acct. their spicy Cajun food)
5 - Will the next UTU convention issue a colored balloon array to all attendees
with the cost to be deducted from TPA with a generous 10% discount?
6 - After signing this Historic contract, will Charles Little resume 'The Power of
One' campaign and go after the weakened Air Traffic Controllers.
GFJ


Quote of the Month

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde

Griever’s Corner

Grinding away at the Rumor Mill…….
We hear Lt.Dan has finally found his niche: As rest room MTO (manager toilet operations).
Be careful, though; missing the urinal is now a level four offense.

Speaking of level 4….be careful you don’t split any switches unless your job insurance is paid
up or you really want that extra vacation time. Our Super seems to think it’s a hanging
offense, but he’s willing to bargain it down to a four-spot..

Speaking of our favorite Super.. Seems he’s declared war on BNSF trains on his railroad and
will stick ‘em in the hole for everything including locals, lite power and ballast regulators, and
has issued orders to that effect to his managers. Careful, now. Remember we use their
railroad, too. What goes around……

Rumor has it that CMS rewards crew dispatchers with ice cream bars for doing a “good” job.
Is that true, callers? Hell, if that’s the case I’ll buy a fifth of Jack Daniels for the first one that
can get through a shift without mangling our agreement.

Yardmaster Sam is coming back on the ground after putting up with their crap for way too
long. Their loss. Once again, UP proves how well it can run off good help.

Speaking of good help…… When’s the last time a UP officer said “thanks” or “good job” to
you? It doesn’t happen often. But good work and extra effort happens every day out there.
A little appreciation and recognition for a job well done goes a long way, a hell of a lot more
than threats of discipline. Seems the harder you work, the more they put on you, right? Can
you imagine how this place would work if most of the employees didn’t hate the company?
I am proud to work with people who are as professional and safe as the folks I work with. If
the carrier doesn’t recognize it, at least I do. Work safe, work smart, follow the rules and
look out for each other.
Sarge

Myths and Facts

Here at SNAKEBITES, we examine everything and nothing is sacred. Because nothing is
sacred, we are going to see if you’re as smart as you think you are.

Myth: If you don't understand a proposed agreement, just vote no! By voting no, everything
will remain unchanged.
Fact: Everything is in a constant state of change. Under the Railway Labor Act, a change of
agreement is a series of steps, one of which is membership ratification. If a proposed agreement
fails ratification, the next step is to have some itinerant philosopher (better known as an
arbitrator or (Presidential Emergency Board) decide what is the best for you.

Myth: Arbitration is a fair process and you stand an even chance of getting a better agreement
than what was turned down.
Fact: Arbitrators come in three categories, pro-union, pro-company and neutral. There are
virtually no pro-union arbitrators and damned few neutral ones. Arbitrators will never, never
give you more than what was on the table and will most often give you less than the
negotiated, but not ratified, agreement.

Myth: The reason we never strike is the union is gutless and caves in.
Fact: The Railway Labor Act, which is federal law, prohibits strikes unless it is a major
dispute. Years of court decisions have interpreted almost all grievances as minor disputes
which forbids striking as a solution.

Myth: Screw what the courts ruled, let's just shut the bastards down.
Fact: Those same court decisions have ruled that if employees participate in an illegal work
stoppage, they can be held financially responsible for any loss of revenue, which means that
the railroad can sue you as an individual. Ask the BLE what happened with a wildcat strike on
the Long Island RR.

The Devil and Dick Davidson

The Devil went down to Georgia, to raise a little hell,
His first stop CSX, where things were going well.
He checked on Norfolk Southern, to see how they were doing
And found their managers stern, the workers taking a screwing.

Then he went to Omaha and discovered fertile ground
At Harriman he whooped “Hurrah!” as he saw what he had found.
“I’m from Hell and seen the worst, but this place takes the cake.”
“Whoever runs this is truly cursed, this tops my burning lake.”

He made his way to Dodge Street, looking for more vice
He stumbled into Dick’s suite, and declared, “This office will suffice.”
It was filled with fancy plaques and expensive carpeting
“There’s no disputing facts, this guy owes me everything.”

Then Dick walked in and Satan cried, “Yer soul is mine you turd”
But Dick just smirked as he replied, “You haven’t got the word?”
“Whadaya mean?” Ol’ Smokey pleaded, while scratching his horny head,
“The way your workers are being treated, they’re like the walking dead.”

“You’ve got me there.” Dick proclaimed, a sneer upon his face
“I’m the one who is to blame for the culture in this place.”
“When it comes to evil thoughts, you’re really not so great.”
“Cuz I’m the guy who calls the shots, the one they really hate.”

“Your not alert I guess, or you must have been sleeping”
“You haven’t called on CMS nor interviewed timekeeping”
“Plus we’ve plans to build a fortress, and each will have a cell”
“Where all will be oppressed, and we’re gonna call it Hell.”

Satan studied this infidel and thought about it some,
Then said, “You can have this part of Hell, from now ‘till Kingdom come.”
“But when your life is through, your soul belongs to me”
“For then the bill is due, and nothing is for free.”

Dick thought a spell before he would agree,
“I’ve lots of followers in hell, and most were just like me.”
“You got yourself a deal. But just remember this.”
“If this pact you repeal, I’ll force assign you to CMS!”

(Exit Satan, stage left.)


SNAKEBITES is published as a public nuisance by the Roseville switchmen. Any resemblance to the characters
portrayed here and someone in the real world is probably an accident, but we do get it right once in a while.
Contributions are always welcome, provided you work for free and enjoy having your stuff ripped to pieces by our
editor. Communications may be sent to: editor@snakebites.org, www.snakebites.org


HOME - CURRENT ISSUE - ARCHIVES - LINKS - SUBMIT NEWS - GALLERY

Sept Snakebite

Unrealistic expectations: Part 2

Last time we talked about the difference in attitudes between managers and the working folks.
Attitudes reflect expectations, and as we are most comfortable if we know what is expected,
let’s take a look at expectations in writing: Our agreements. As we talked about last time, our
work is defined by agreements; contracts in the legal sense. Therefore, the first place to look
for improvement in these situations is how our agreements are working. Is it realistic to expect
employees to know their agreements? Yes, but how many of you know your agreements well
enough to defend them against an ignorant company officer?

The fact is, many company officers these days are not from the ranks, don’t understand and
could care less about our agreements. The carriers encourage this, so is it realistic to expect
these folks to understand our agreements? Maybe, if you put it to them in a realistic manner,
they might understand. The other day I spoke with an MTO who told me up front, “We only
violate the agreements when we’re in a bind and have to get the trains going.” (On the UP this
is all the time) Wrong! I wanted to tell him the story of the bank that held his mortgage. How
they were in a bind and needed some extra cash for new investments and upped his payment
by $500. Asked him how he would feel about that sort of thing. “Hell, No!” he says, “They
can’t do that, we have a contract!”

Guess what, pal? A labor agreement is a contract, too. And as representatives of the
corporation that signed that agreement, those officers are bound legally to honor it. But there’s
a problem. They can get away without honoring it. The Railway Labor Act, written to
preserve national security over 65 years ago, is still the basis of grievances for America’s
railroad labor folks. Problem is, the grievance system has become so corrupted by the carrier’s
maneuvers and the unions having been put in ever weaker positions that the RLA doesn’t work
any more, except for the stalling tactics employed by the carriers.

Today you’re more likely to see any and every claim denied without consideration, at least
twice. Then we appeal these claims to the General Committee and they bundle up mine, yours
and every one else’s and take them to a neutral who really wants to keep his cushy job. And
not wanting to be fired by either the union or the carrier, he tries to please everyone. By the
way, this takes the better part of a year. It’s like a loan to the carrier. Maybe half get paid,
which means that no matter the merit of your claim, if the “neutral” blows yours off, you lose.
Your work for nothing. Feel better now?

The fact is, the carriers have negotiated agreements for the last twenty or so years which they
had no intention of honoring or abiding by. If you think otherwise, look at the ’85, ‘91 ’96
national agreements, most of the hub agreements since the merger and the merger agreement
itself. Also, ask any union officer who handles claims. And then look at what really happens.
There is a way to change this: Every agreement railroad employee in America needs to write,
call, e-mail or otherwise contact their union’s national leadership and DEMAND that claims
be handled in a much more expeditious manner. Failing that, we should throw the bums out
and get new leadership, by any means. Failing that, we should be prepared to campaign for the
abolition of the Railway Labor Act, which would put these liars out of business. Sound pretty
radical? How’d you like your union to be able to do what the Teamsters did to Overnite?
How’d you like to shut ‘em down? How’d you like to level the playing field? If our
organizations’ hands weren’t tied, if we had some teeth, you can bet the carriers would be a lot
more willing to honor our agreements. And once they start showing some respect for our
agreements and labor organizations, they may even begin to show some respect for their
employees. Unrealistic? Who knows?

Report from the Northwest

HEY SARGE, UPDATE FROM THE PORTLAND SERVICE UNIT.... THIS IS HOW
THE EWE PEE RUNS UP THE HILL OUT OF EUGENE... 09/12/00--3 BIG ROAD
UNITS, 6 CARS... THE DISPATCHER HEADS THEM INTO THE SIDING AT
OAKRIDGE, 47 MILES WEST OF EUGENE. THEY HAVE BEEN ON-DUTY FOR 2
HOURS. DISPATCHER TELLS THEM TO WAIT FOR HELPER... CREW INFORMS
DISPATCHER THAT THEY HAVE 3 UNITS AND ONLY 6 CARS, NO HELPER
NEEDED.. HE TELLS CREW 2 WAIT PATIENTLY, THEY WAIT 6 HOURS.. THE
LIGHT FINALLY COMES ON... CREW IS INSTRUCTED TO TIE DOWN TRAIN AND
DEADHEAD TO K-FALLS... UPON ARRIVAL K-FALLS CREW IS INSTRUCTED TO
CALL DISPATCHER AND THE TRAINMASTER TO FIGURE OUT WHO'S AT
FAULT...I WILL KEEP U POSTED... (You STILL can’t spell stupid without UP) BFD
(ever notice how somebody always has to be at fault?)

We Get Letters

Dear Snake,
Enjoyed your July issue, especially the part about “UP-isms”. Up-this and Up-that is all very
well and good, but you guys left out the most important one of all: UP YOURS! This is
management’s attitude toward their workers and customers, so why not make it a part of our
everyday communications? Imagine all the fun we can have by smiling, waving and yelling
“UP YOURS” when dealing with fellow employees and especially managers. This will also
keep the UP name foremost in our minds since I’ll bet we’ll be saying it A LOT! Keep up the
good work, and UP YOURS!
Mean Ole Fart, LA Basin

Griever’s Corner

Got an e-mail the other day from a purveyor of SP memorabilia. You know, T-shirts, caps, pins
& etc. Says his sales have dropped off since the merger. Are we on the way to being
forgotten? The old SP may be gone but there are still a lot of us out here who remember “The
good old days.” Remember when it was fun to come to work? Remember when your kid
went to school with your crew dispatcher’s kid? Remember when your neighbor was an
employee, too? Remember when we took pride in doing a good job? Remember when
railroading was a good-paying job that meant something? I don’t think it’s a good idea to live
in the past. But I also don’t think it’s a good idea to be treated like trash, looked upon as a
liability and cheated of our rightful, contractually agreed upon wages just so some “manager”
in Omaha or wherever can satisfy his sick little mind that he is “in charge” of all these people.
The pencil pushing drones who think they run the railroad from the dullest city on earth have
no idea of the kind of mess they have made of things out here in the real world. Union Pacific
stock is once again hovering around the dumpster. Way to go, Dick. How about another
bonus, you could sure use it. Why don’t you stop listening to the bullshit your managers send
up to you? Check it out for yourself. In the meantime, operations are going to hell, the
railroad is run pretty much by incompetents and the real professionals are being ignored. Do
they still hire real railroaders to be Superintendents? I doubt it. Or Vice-Presidents? Not
likely. We now live in the age of the number-cruncher. Let’s just fix everything by jacking up
the numbers and cutting a few more jobs. I think the tide has turned, friends, and not for the
better. Work safe, follow the rules and look out for each other!
Sarge

Quote of the Month

You start with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of
experience before you empty the bag of luck.
Uncle Bob

Poetry Corner

In an effort to add a little (very little ) class and culture to our publication, we present from
time to time the musings of our poet laureate, aka the “Raggedy-Assed Switchman.”


In Union Pacific I've found
Disgruntled employees abound
When the workers are pissed
they cannot resist
complicating every meltdown

Roseville's the crown jewel of the west
But some folks are very distressed
If you dare to inquire
the hump counts were higher
Before the rebuild of the crest

MYO Torrey helps all of the crews
And no one dares ever refuse
But reporting your hours of service
Can make an official nervous
Cuz it verifies the contract abuse

Our Spies are Everywhere Dept
(Recently discovered in the shredder room at Foothills, the following memo was slipped to
your editor.

FROM: IKE
TO: DAN

We think you’re doing a great job in Roseville. Everyone here on the 12th floor, from Dick D.
(recently defrosted for the Republican Convention) to our obscurantist bean counters imported
from the Tabernacle, is behind you 100%.

Your daring and innovative cost-cutting measures are sure to become part of the constantly
rewritten history of the UP. Indeed, the boldness of your plans is matched only by your sheer
lack of concern for the efficient use of pricey Distributed Power locomotives, mechanical dep’t
personnel, clerks, yardmasters and all of those other less-than-pliable union types who play an
important role in maintaining customer satisfaction –and carloadings.

But hey, let’s get serious. If we burn up a few dozen engines so we can abandon Bakersfield,
freeze out marginal shippers (any company not generating 142 carloads per year is toast), close
yards, demote or eliminate whole classes of employees, originate locals hundreds of miles from
where trains should logically be made up, and force our “associates” to bounce all over the
system to protect jobs—when we’re not citing them for discipline or laying them off—then
more power to you.

Dan, you’re well on the way to confirming what I’ve said all along: UP’s number one customer
is UP management. Who else should benefit from an improved bottom line but our top
officers? After all, we’ve proved that customers are not part of the profit equation. We’re
counting on you to spare no expense to save money. By the way, there’s a big bonus in it for
you---if you don’t blow it.

Speaking of bottom line matters, after a round of golf at my mostly all-white country club, the
boys and I came up with a great idea. Let’s sell some of our employees to the BNSF! Your
plans will render quite a few folks surplus, and since we more or less own them, we can use
them to raise funds for new locomotives or something similar. UP EMPLOYEES, OUR
NUMBER ONE ASSET. Kind of gives that tired bit of corporate claptrap a new twist, don’t
you think?

Danny boy, the pipes are playing your tune. But like Caesar, beware the Ides of March. If
anything disturbs The Big Plan, you’ll find yourself polishing shoes and running a paper
shredder in Pine Bluff.

Oh, by the way, I’ve attached your letter of resignation. Just in case. Feel free to sign and date
it when the time is right. Remember to remove your tie before using the knife.
IKE

es a day in an on
going attempt to have a life. Simply put, the line-ups are worthless and as a result my life is total chaos.

Further, I can mark up on the AVR by hitting a couple of buttons. However, if I want to lay off or take care or any
other personal business I have to call those fine folks at CMS. I am kept on hold for an eon or two. Many times
when they finally answer I "Can't Get No Satisfaction." These long waits on hold can be quite frustrating. To
relieve stress I kick my dog until CMS answers. When my foot gets sore I work on my book: "How to make black
labs fly." The phone just rang, I have to go to work now. Two minutes ago the AVR said I was 69 times out and
wouldn't be called until next week. Everyone in front of me got run around or missed call. The MTO is sure to fix
their wagons!! Anyway, can you see my problem?
Signed,
Working on Limbo time!
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Limbo,
Wow! I really got my shorts in a wad over your problem. The oppression you are experiencing in your family has
seriously clouded your thinking. Here is your sure solution. Do not call AVR again. I mean never again. Why call
a machine and get lousy advice? And by all means quit kicking your dog. Kids maybe, but not the dog! Being put
on hold should not frustrate your family. Viewed properly, being on hold can be sure "Satisfaction." This truly is
the beauty of this solution. Being on hold is good and more is better.

Go to your local phone store and get one of those Burger King walk about head sets or two or three hundred feet of
extension cord for your phone and turn the volume down. Get in your easy chair, watch your favorite soap or go
out to the pool or hot tub and relax while CMS has you on hold. Get the idea? Call those fine folks at CMS and get
good up-to-date information. It truly is worth the wait. If your entire family does this, the waits will be longer and
longer and longer, etc. This is good. Very good!

Meanwhile, back at CMS the phones will be ringing off the hook! Those fine folks will be so busy giving you all
that good information that they will not have time to call you. You're getting TPA, so what's the problem? Being on
hold beats limbo time, right? If by chance when you call they need you for a turn you will be right there calling
them and doing them a big favor. Truly win/win. This is clearly your best option and it should greatly reduce your
stress. Remember this will only work if your entire family does this and keeps on doing it every day, all day.

Remember, be polite and stress safety by getting your proper rest. This can only be accomplished by good
up-to-date information. Break the AVR habit by calling CMS now. Bored? Got some spare time? On vacation or
just need your line up fix? Call the fine folks at CMS and find out what's going down! CMS has operators standing
by and they are waiting for your call. It's toll free, so call now!
Good Luck,
Dan

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them
have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers

SNAKEBITES is published by the Roseville Switchmen just for the hell of it. Don't like it? Tough. Don't read it.
Anyway, subscriptions are free but it' ll cost you 100 bucks to get off our list. (No exceptions, Dick. Send me a
check.) Please leave this or another copy for the next crew. Postage is
expensive. Send any and all communications to: editor@snakebites.org

SNAKEBITES
Volume 00, Issue 2 Roseville, CA APRIL 1, 2000


BOOMERS: Then..
In the early days of railroading, the "boomer" was an itinerant railroader
who traveled light, skipping at short notice from one railroad to another.
His uniform was usually a black "thousand miler" shirt, so called because he
was reputed to wear it about a thousand miles before laundering.
One of the Boomer's most useful possessions was a paid up membership card in
some railroad brotherhood. During a frequent lean period, he would shove
this under the nose of a worthy brother when he wanted to eat, sleep or ride
and it usually achieved the desired affect.
Boomers were generous, worldly wise, self-assured (often to the point of
being insolent), humorous, resourceful, and given to bragging, but withal a
likable lot. They knew railroad operations better, perhaps, than the home
guards did, because they circulated widely and were continually picking up
new tricks.
As steam was replaced by diesel, and trains grew heavier, longer, safer, and
the competition for jobs more keen, the "Independent Order of Boomers" faded
away.
.and Now
Fast forward 40 years. The 21st Century. A new order of "Boomers" has
arisen. These are mostly kids, moving from location to location following
the work, much like itinerant farm labor. More than a few have lived in the
back seat of their car, others have doubled or tripled up in a weekly room,
most leaving family and friends behind.
The UP promised them work, but neglected to tell them it wouldn't be at the
location they were hired at. As the bottom falls out at one location, they
are told that "we need a couple more bodies at Petticoat Junction." This is
told to more than 2 people and like lemmings, the mass migration begins. Now
the juniors tank up on gas, kiss the family good-bye and head north only to
discover once they get there that there is no job. Worse, even those who
survive the cut and actually work may get whacked after a couple of trips
and so the cycle begins again. As in the book, "Grapes of Wrath," they move
on in search of security and a few bucks, only to be turned back each time.
Analogy
The only resemblance these modern day nomadic railroaders have to the
"boomers" of the past is their ability to pick up new tricks at each
location. Gone is the "happy go lucky" attitude, replaced with worldly-wise
distrust of everything and anything.
Here's the message Ike. When you treat your employees like shit, you end up
with shitty employees. These kids are the future of this corporation. The
common perception is that this company is run by liars and does not care a
whit about its employees. A hostile workforce is being bred and who is to
blame? Where does the buck stop? Is this about money or is this about
humanity?
Shame on you Ike. Shame on Labor Relations. Shame on CMS (but not the crew
dispatchers, those poor bastards deserve their story told also.) By the way
Ike, CMS started out as a support group for the operating department.
Exactly when did they take over the entire railroad?


REPORT FROM OREGON

Hi Sarge,
Thought you might be interested in this little teaser. Seems a certain DRO
here on the Portland Serv. Unit and a dude with the title DTM plus another
anonymous UP drone were highrailing. They were heading east out of Albany
and had track 'n time to the west switch at a siding called Marion. Well,
our boys went beyond the west switch all the way to the east switch. At
this point the dispatcher calls and wants to know their location. Our boys
blew it..dispatcher gave them t & t correctly but they repeated it wrong
and dispatcher went along and says "That is correct." Well, if you or I
had been up this creek without a paddle it'd be a major level, like 4 or 5
on the Richter scale.
Of course, it's being kept VERY low-key.
Supposedly the Dispatcher was made to do some rules tests and it's rumored
that the boys in the Highrailer had to pee.
Shanty talk says the DRO came up pregnant on his test. Also rumored all UP
managers have the same DNA.
Did you hear the story about the Portland Super? Seems he got into a heated
argument with an Albany Yardmaster and got so wound up he did his Billy
Martin impersonation on a water cooler. The troops in Eugene have now put
up a sign on the storage room where they keep the water bottles: "Hunt's
Work-Out Room."
More hot flashes to come from the great Northwest,
BFD


SPY vs. SPY

Who's looking in your bedroom tonight? It just might be the U.P. with their
high tech, 25 power camcorders, mounted on towers and high vantage points
around the new Roseville Yard. I have seen for myself a clear picture of a
regular night Hump Herder and Yardmaster picking their noses and doing
things I always suspected, but never before had the opportunity to see. Ah,
to paranoia.
This picture is very disconcerting. Yes pal, BIG BROTHER is watching you
with three high-resolution cameras lurking around, any rule violation or
indiscretion will be seen and recorded.
If you feel your rights, or those of your friends whose homes are near the
edges of the Roseville Yard are in danger or violated, check with the
A.C.L.U. or the your lawyer. If you are not concerned, you may be interested
in voyeur web videos for sale in Roseville. Contact Neill Lee, former
switchman, for graphic descriptions and prices.
I understand there is an inquiry. I hope it's not going to be a big deal
that might mushroom into a class action movement. Roseville's last mushroom
movement was in 1973 was VERY costly, and really bombed.
Clark Kent, Ace Reporter
(The editors wish to welcome back reporter Kent after a long absence from
these pages. We look forward to more of his cutting-edge investigative
reporting.)


GRIEVER'S CORNER
"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." Dick D.
We first published this quote a few months ago and it has proven its value.
UP's annual report has arrived in the hands of stockholders and, WOW!, did
we do good. So good that Dick gets a pile of money and an even bigger pile
of UP stock. It's truly amazing how a modest recovery (back to 1997 levels)
can be tweaked into a great success story. Annual reports are usually great
works of fiction, anyway. The real story, of course, is that what has been
accomplished was done on the backs (and out of the wallets) of every working
man and woman under Uncle Pete's yoke. Where's our pay raise, Dick? Most
agreement people have LOST earnings in this same period. Where's our bonus,
Dick? Cheap trinkets and ugly calendars do not appease us. There's no
recovery in the ranks. Who pays the tab for the disrupted lives of our new
hires? What happens to the killed and wounded, Dick? Safety is also YOUR
responsibility, but it ain't in the budget. You don't have a work force out
here, you have an OVERworked force. Start paying attention to something
besides your bank account.
Other Matters.
Last time I asked if UP was trying to run the whole place with "officers".
As if she was reading my mind, a friend from Omaha tells me they are indeed
thinking of creating whole new levels (no pun intended) of managers. Which
brings to mind a couple of new officer positions here in Roseville. First
was the MBO, or manager of bus operations. These worthies are given all the
privileges of officerhood (12hr. shifts, yellow jackets, cold pizza, etc.)
and are then allowed to drive surly switchmen and train crews around the
yard whenever the Renzenberger drivers don't time slip them. The second is
the position of CCH, or chicken-coop herders. Now, at first this may sound
like an agreement position, but don't be fooled. It is a promotion-only
position. One must be a fully qualified MBO before becoming a CCH. (More on
CCH's, see below)
SAFETY FIRST
We've had some switchmen injured on the property lately, so be especially
careful about footing and getting on and off. This may be a new yard but it's
full of places to get hurt, so BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
SGT.


QUOTE of the MONTH
"Never miss a good chance to shut up." -----------Will Rogers


WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT?

Ever wonder why the " Chicken Coop Herders " are soooo... uhhh .
wellll,,,,, over zealous in their duties to get you on your train in a hurry?

Well the truth can now come to light. It seems that there is some sort of
a contest among the various CCH's to see who can accumulate the least amount
of delay for their assigned trains and crews. It seems " bonus " points are
awarded for such efficiencies as, scaring the Engineer off the computer
before he runs the crew board sheets, or, getting the Conductor to spill his
coffee as he hurries to get ready. Extra points are awarded for three or
more contract violations while expediting a train (we all know who gets
those points). No points awarded for the CCH who uses his vehicle to take
crew to the train, that's cheating, after all, the carryall drivers have to
make a living too, ya know. Half points are awarded for simply making the
train depart only to be put away in a siding or other usual PARKING spot.
A Silver Star is awarded for departing a Valley train and a Mountain train
at the same time. A Gold Star is awarded for ever getting a local to depart,
as we all know that locals always have bad orders in them. Yardmasters were
excluded from the contest. They would have no chance to win as they have to
deal with Hostlers and thus would have no chance to score any bonus points.
At the end of the year, the CCH who has the most points and awards gets
an all expenses paid trip to Turlock for the National Sheep Herding Trials
(by the way, Very good CCH training) held in the first half of the year (see
who goes on vacation first).
So someone will win regardless of the endless array of obstacles. I.e. no
train list, incorrect train list, misplaced car, bad order, power not ready,
power not in Roseville, power facing wrong, power used on another train,
power not fueled, can't find power, FRA in town, PUC in town, train not made
yet, train not worked yet, train not humped yet, computers down, printer out
of paper. Well you get the idea .
Thanks to Gary R.


Yet Another LETTER to IKE
Dear Ike,
It ain't work'n! You can have Quinley run all the charts and graphs that
your heart desires but it still ain't work'n.
As everyone here knows, CMS has taken control of the entire railroad. The
operating department is supposed to have control of operations, right?
That's why they call it the operating department. But when local management
calls the union for help in increasing the boards because CMS refuses to do
it, "Houston (Omaha), we have a problem."
It's all about budgets. Hooray for my budget and to hell with how it affects
your budget. Yes, Quinley can graph how well the Western Region has reduced
guarantee, but how have those guarantee reductions impacted operating costs?
What????? Used off assignment has gone through the roof? Well, whose budget
is that? As long as its not CMS's budget, its okay, because CMS has the
"guarantee" budget and that is down. If operation's budget is up, hey,
that's their problem.
And what is this bullshit we hear about you, Ike Evans, mandating to reduce
the head count. Let me understand, UP bows to the FRA and hires all these
kids, tells them they have a great job, then CMS cuts them off, at your
command, because you want to reduce the total number of bodies.
Is this true? Was it your mandate to reduce the total number of bodies? Or
is it that over zealous "crew management" supervisors are trying to climb
the corporate ladder by stepping on the heads of new employees? Really, you
should be ashamed of yourself for bringing these new employees on board,
then dumping them, just so you can get bonus money from the stockholders.
Shame, shame, shame. UP management should go home at night and explain to
their spouses and families what they are REALLY doing to employees. They
should explain what their REAL function is to their neighbors, how they
screw the working employees in order to climb the corporate ladder (first
priority) and make money for the stockholders (as long as that doesn't
interfere with priority #1).
Oh, what a noble tradition. If you have neither heart nor soul, you should
be proud, Ike. Or is it perhaps, that you, Ike, are really looking out for
your own budget, and to hell with everyone else?
I hate to end this on a sour note so will append a simple suggestion.

DISMANTLE CMS. It is killing the railroad. Take it apart, destroy the evil
empire, parcel it out to the service units and put it back under the control
of the superintendents.
Yours Truly,
Grumpy Old Fart


WORK, REST, WORK, REST.
No, it's not the rowing cadence on a slave ship. It's the latest wrinkle in
UP's effort to avoid the regulators.

Our Super says he is a believer in the work-rest programs being implemented.
So how come he still works his managers 12 hrs. a day, 7 days a week? And
where do you think we would all be if they could get away with it? Have a
nice day.


SNAKEBITES is brought to you by the Roseville switchmen as a public
nuisance. Taking this stuff too seriously will result in brain damage, or
becoming a company officer. And no, the web site isn't done yet, so don't
ask!

LEAVE A COPY FOR THE NEXT CREW

SNAKEBITES
Volume 00, Issue 5 Roseville, CA MAY 1, 2000

CONFESSIONS OF AN OS JUNKIE

Hello, my name is Ira Nutlicker and I am an OS junkie. I've been clean for 6
months now. This is my story. This could happen to you. I always liked it
when the company gave out safety trinkets. I liked getting something free.
That is how it all started. I wanted more, I was always there when they
handed out the goodies. Sometimes, I went back two or three times. But that
wasn't enough. I got to be a pest around the officers, always looking for a
free handout.

Next I went to one of their safety picnics. The Superintendent saw me and
told me if I helped out at the hot dog stand, he'd give me a days pay. Well,
my life changed forever. I wanted more, one day was not enough. I managed
to parlay that one day into two days by volunteering to do the clean up.

But that wasn't enough. I wanted more. I lived for OS. I'd get on a special
project for a few days and stretch it into a week. OS was good. It was
daylights and weekends off. I ignored my brothers and sisters who were
working. They talked bad about me. But they were jealous, I'd tell myself.
They're just pissed because they don't have an OS suck-up job. But just
being on OS wasn't enough. Oh, not by a long shot! There's always the chance
that the budget gods will get angry and then all us dudes on OS are
scrambling to see who survives, like a pack of starving hyenas around a
carcass. So you plot and plan and try to make yourself look indispensable
while at the same time undercutting the other OS junkies. It was every man
for himself and to hell with everyone else.

But I needed more. I saw that others were making more on OS than I was. So I
cajoled and conspired and wheedled and lied until finally I was making as
much as them, but that wasn't enough. I started padding expense reports, at
first just a little, but success made me brazen. I started claiming the max
on my meals and stretching the miles on my car. If I was authorized to fly,
I'd purchase an expensive ticket, get reimbursed, but turn the original
flight ticket in for a refund and buy a cheaper fare. Oh yes, by then I was
a professional OS junkie.

Then I saw an amazing sight. It was a brother who was on Union OS. I'd never
heard of such a concept. Imagine, the union paying these "special reps" or
"organizers" to just go to union meetings and rat on the dissidents, passout
union trinkets, give little pep talks on how bad the other organization is
and generally spy on what was happening. On top of that, the lawyers wined
and dined them and they could still claim meals! Hell, I could do that AND
be on OS! So there I was, trying to pander to the company and the union.
Serving two masters. Double dipping by collecting pay from both. It was pure
greed my friends, more than that, it was greed, power, daylights, travel and
not riding trains!

Then my world collapsed, the BLE/UTU thing fell through and I was released
from my appointed union position. At the same time, the budget gods at the
carrier struck with a vengeance and it was like a Saturday night massacre.
Hundreds of OS junkies were thrown into the streets to fend for themselves.
On top of that I had run up massive debt. There was no way I could make it
riding trains. I was desperate. My wife had left me for an MTO because I was
never around. I had bottomed out. All was lost, I became suicidal.

That was when I called my local chairman, who guided me to the people who
could help. He directed me to the Carl Bradley Clinic, where I would be
quickly weaned from the OS teat.
It was tough, but my local chairman was also a recovering OS addict and knew
the drill. Thanks to him and many others, I'm now recovering. And that, my
friends, is my story.

My name is Ira Nutlicker and I am a recovering OS junkie. I am clean and
have been riding trains for 6 months.

GRIEVER'S CORNER
Wasn't that inspiring? I hope we can continue to bring you uplifting and
inspiring stories like this in the future. My thanks to ol' Ira for baring
his soul.

I've been asked to appeal to the powers-that-be, whoever they are, that TWC
not be installed on our mountain. This historic and difficult piece of
railroad has been taken WAY too lightly by the flatlanders in Omaha and if
this garbage dispatching system is put in place I'm afraid they're going to
kill somebody. (See the letter below.) As always, we may raise a lot of
hell, make a lot of noise and piss off management, but first, last and
always, we want a SAFE railroad, no matter who they put in charge.

A word of advice: When you put in a claim for an agreement violation, be
sure to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Names, dates, times, witnesses, pictures if you
got 'em, officers who told you to do it, your print-out of the boards, work
history, whatever. These weasels have figured out a way to bog down the
claims process to a crawl, which gives them more room to rape our greements.
Simply put, they nitpick and make nonsensical arguments about details so
they don't have to address the real issues. Ask your griever if he knows a
nice Labor Relations person
who takes good care of us. You have to have no conscience to spend your
entire career trying to screw working people out of what they are
contractually entitled to.

Also, if one of the drones tries to move you to another job during the
shift, make damn sure they let CMS know and document everything. Then CMS
has to create a new job for you or at least show you on another job. Being
held over to the next shift when you have relief sitting right there is a
sign of total incompetence on the part of the carrier. They can't manage
their crews, they can't manage their yard. They can't manage their whole
damn railroad! I may be a little paranoid, but I think they're all in it
together. Nah, they can't be that smart, can they?

WE GET LETTERS, Part 24
Dear Editor,
Thanks for your comments about dispatchers. Close to the truth. By the
way - not everyone in the HDC is a complete idiot. Some of us - forced to
migrate to Omaha as dispatchers and corridor managers can't believe what we
see going on from this wonderful location ( armpit of the
nation).. Of course with all of the head honchos coming from the Big Nothing
what did we all expect. It seems as though the Company did a major study on
the differences between Direct Traffic Control (DTC) and Track Warrant
Control (TWC) or otherwise known as Death Warrant Control...Results? It
seems there have been no major incidents in DTC but many in TWC. No
fatalities in DTC but 12 in TWC. The study shows DTC is easier for everyone
to understand and comprehend while TWC is very difficult for even a genius
to understand BUT the company will continue to use TWC because they have
already paid for the software for the upcoming -- in the process for 8 yrs
now -- CAD 3. It is amazing how little human life is worth within this
company that values the family so much.... That value is spelled bottom
line. How can you loan Dick 9.4 million if you have to concede that a
program is no good and will cost "just a few million" to change.
Overworked in Omaha

UP OFFICER TRAINING: CHEMISTRY , 1A
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at the UP labs. The element, tentatively named Administratium,
has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it
does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111
assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons. It is also surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons,
Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it
impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the
discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than
one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over
time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to speculate that perhaps Administratium is
spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a "service
unit."

ADIOS, CARL
In spite of our differences, I gotta give credit where it's due. Carl
Bradley has done a good job as the leader of this mess involving the merger
of the UP and SP and the rebuild of Roseville yard. As of the first of the
month Carl is in the golf and retirement mode, which makes us very envious.
Anyway, you don't get to be a Super by screwing up, and Carl has done the
job as well as anyone before him. Good Luck to you Carl, and if they ask you
to be a consultant, charge the bastards 25 grand a week. And pay your back
dues to the UTU, OK? Happy Retirement!

DEAR DAN LANDERS
My brothers and sisters have a very serious problem and we need your help.
We work for the Union Pacific Railroad. Please do not use my name and
address, as I do not want my friends and neighbors to know who I work for.
My children would be picked on in school. Anyway, to keep my sanity I call
AVR umpteen times a day in an on going attempt to have a life. Simply put,
the line-ups are worthless and as a result my life is total chaos.

Further, I can mark up on the AVR by hitting a couple of buttons. However,
if I want to lay off or take care or any other personal business I have to
call those fine folks at CMS. I am kept on hold for an eon or two. Many
times when they finally answer I "Can't Get No Satisfaction." These long
waits on hold can be quite frustrating. To relieve stress I kick my dog
until CMS answers. When my foot gets sore I work on my book: "How to make
black labs fly." The phone just rang, I have to go to work now. Two minutes
ago the AVR said I was 69 times out and wouldn't be called until next week.
Everyone in front of me got run around or missed call. The MTO is sure to
fix their wagons!! Anyway, can you see my problem?
Signed,
Working on Limbo time!
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Limbo,
Wow! I really got my shorts in a wad over your problem. The oppression
you are experiencing in your family has seriously clouded your thinking.
Here is your sure solution. Do not call AVR again. I mean never again. Why
call a machine and get lousy advice? And by all means quit kicking your
dog. Kids maybe, but not the dog! Being put on hold should not frustrate
your family. Viewed properly, being on hold can be sure "Satisfaction."
This truly is the beauty of this solution. Being on hold is good and more
is better.

Go to your local phone store and get one of those Burger King walk about
head sets or two or three hundred feet of extension cord for your phone and
turn the volume down. Get in your easy chair, watch your favorite soap or
go out to the pool or hot tub and relax while CMS has you on hold. Get the
idea? Call those fine folks at CMS and get good up-to-date information.
It truly is worth the wait. If your entire family does this, the waits will
be longer and longer and longer, etc. This is good. Very good!

Meanwhile, back at CMS the phones will be ringing off the hook! Those fine
folks will be so busy giving you all that good information that they will
not have time to call you. You're getting TPA, so what's the problem? Being
on hold beats limbo time, right? If by chance when you call they need you
for a turn you will be right there calling them and doing them a big favor.
Truly win/win. This is clearly your best option and it should greatly
reduce your stress. Remember this will only work if your entire family does
this and keeps on doing it every day, all day.

Remember, be polite and stress safety by getting your proper rest. This can
only be accomplished by good up-to-date information. Break the AVR habit by
calling CMS now. Bored? Got some spare time? On vacation or just need your
line up fix? Call the fine folks at CMS and find out what's going down! CMS
has operators standing by and they are waiting for your call. It's toll
free, so call now!
Good Luck,
Dan

QUOTE OF THE MONTH

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for
themselves.

Will Rogers

SNAKEBITES is published by the Roseville Switchmen just for the hell of it.
Don't like it? Tough. Don't read it. Anyway, subscriptions are free but it'
ll cost you 100 bucks to get off our list. (No exceptions, Dick. Send me a
check.) Please leave this or another copy for the next crew. Postage is
expensive. Send any and all communications to:
Schultz@inreach.com

I show these boys I'm a serious railroader type, they'll stand back and let
me do the work."

Compensation is generous for UP management willing to take the plunge into
Dirtbagistan. The local currency, known as the Spurm, is fully convertible
into Disney World Gift Certificates or UP special shares, which are
convertible in the year 2075. Smoot likes the compensation package, noting
that in addition to running the finances of the country, "I got me a right
nice little local lady, fifty servants, a big ole spread right outside town.
Dirtbagistan's my second home, after Uranus. Hell, with what these
Dirtbaggis are paying me, I got more Spurm than I can manage!'

Dirtbagistan, the gross national product of which includes money laundering,
budget planning, opium testing, hiding terrorists, and other lucrative
free-market activities, hopes that more MOPAC veterans will join the
government, especially the security forces. Incentives to join up include
free servants, a late model white truck with complimentary railroad radio, a
signing bonus of 50,000,000 Spurm, and a toaster oven.

Railroad management wholeheartedly approves of Dirtbagistan's efforts to
recruit additional MOPAC personnel. There is even a special school for
malignant managers in Stockton, CA. UP President Ike Evans observed, "We
need to show the world we can do things right. This country's problems are
a lot like our railroad's, so I'm sure we can help them in a big way. Our
track record speaks for itself." Dick Davidson, currently in storage in a
meat warehouse in Omaha, could not be reached for comment.

Many local managers in California, where the company spotlight is focused on
the constantly redefined success of the Roseville Hub, have expressed great
interest in moving up the corporate ladder to Dirtbagistan. Computer expert
Carl Bradley, who hired out with Floyd Smoot, is ready to make the big move,
but could not locate the country on a map, having only recently learned that
the world is round.

When asked about his plans to join the Dirtbagistani government, Bradley
talked in grand terms about using computer programs based on the superb
systems up and running in Roseville, to monitor the fitness club attendance
and political affiliation of Dirtbagistani citizens.

Anyone would be proud of UP's efforts to share its success with the less
fortunate in the global economy. Stay tuned for more information as our
MOPAC managers do to Dirtbagistan what they've done to the UP.
------Boris
-------------------------------------------------------------------
QUOTE OF THE MONTH DEP'T
Larry Bossidy - CEO of Allied Signal Inc.:
"I've never seen a company that was able to satisfy its customers which did
not also satisfy its employees. Your employees will treat your customers no
better than you treat your employees."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Griever's Corner
Snakebites is growing by leaps and bounds, and I thank everyone for their
support. Of course, we couldn't do it without the good old UP. Never have
I seen a company, organization or other entity so set on self-destruction and
so incompetent that they couldn't even get that right! Thanks Dick!
Thanks Ike! We couldn't do this without you guys.
Big-time stockholders visited the "crown jewel" last week. Under the
watchful eye of local management they got the grand tour of our 21st century
hump yard (gag) and went away somewhat impressed. Of course, they did it on a
rest day for the worst of the hell-raisers, but I hear they got an earful
from some of our more outspoken switchmen. I only hope they speak the
language. From what I saw, they don't even speak English. (Maybe a job in
Dirtbagistan?)
Cars still mysteriously end up where they don't belong in the bowl, so keep
your eyes open and BE SAFE.
Sarge
--------------------------------------------------------------
Language Lessons Dep't. Part 1
In honor of our new leader, and with great reservations, the management
presents:
PUNKISMS: A lesson in language.
1. The Punk Zone- that moment in time, when you realize Punky's really mad,
and, you might have said one word too many.
2. Punkyn' Idiots- leftover junior managers from the last regime.
3. Punk-in-Time- the cadence junior officers keep following Punky around the
Super-Coop.
4. Punk Drunk- junior officers at their frenzied peak.
5. Punkyn' Head- Kangas Khan's new nick name.
6. Punkyfied- Todd Ray's dilemma.
7. Punkophile- M. Pollards keen interest in new hires.
8. Punkynstein- Willie Sweat on a bad hair day.
9. punkity-punkity-punkity- sound of new and quieter retarders, soon to be
installed.
10. Punkyn' Humpyn'- that's what we'll be doing when they finally raise the
hump.
11. UPRR- Uncle Punky's Railroad, and you better believe it!
12. Punkyn' Pie- that's what Uncle Punky gets in his face, if he can't make
it work!!!
----------------------Thanks to the Accidental Boomer

WE GET LETTERS, Part1.
Sir, I got the following out of a trash can in El Paso. Thought you'd like
it:
How to Run a Railroad into the Ground by Saving Money.

In an effort to reduce guarantee payments, CMS has severely reduced every
extra board. It seems that extra board guarantee is part of the CMS budget
and they have a mandate to reduce this budget item. Oh sure, now the budget
for guarantee looks great! But what is the ripple effect?

The first victims are all the new kids who are cut-off. Of course, the rub is
that the "recruiting people" from UP made all those outrageous promises like,
"full employment, you'll be working ALL the time, money will be coming out
your ears." So a lot of the new folk quit REAL jobs for the UP
"Pie-in-the-sky." Now they regret believing all the BS spewed by those
recruiters and they have come to realize that most of what they hear from UP
is pure BS. "Oh, UP, you certainly do have a knack for turning untarnished,
bright, willing new employees into cynical, untrusting, angry employees."

The kids that are financially destitute are now chasing their seniority
hundreds of miles from home, living in their cars, eating baloney sandwiches
while they try to find some place to land and get a few trips in. Others have
just thrown in the towel and are looking for work outside the railroad
industry.

More victims are those remaining bodies on the extra boards who are getting
out on their rest (One only has to look at any extra board to see that few
people are ever rested). People are literally being worked into the ground.
This is an accident waiting to happen. Someone will eventually nod off at the
wrong time. Hey, but we're saving money, right Ike?

And of course, if you're out of extra people, CMS starts dropping pool turns
or shoving the pool or calling people off assignment and generally driving
crew dispatchers crazy as they try to fill positions. It also plays havoc
with trying to figure out when you're going to get called which again means
going to work without proper rest. In many places, they are calling people
off the bump boards so often that they appear to be nothing more than an
auxiliary extra board (with no guarantee, I'm sure those budget bastards
planned on that.)

So what affect does this have on the service unit budgets? Well, when you are
out of extra bodies, you start robbing Peter to pay Paul so operating costs
are going through the roof. The local operating folks are begging CMS to add
bodies to the extra boards but CMS, in typical UP "Got my blinders on, to
hell with your budget, I gotta watch mine" fashion, refuses.

Of course, according to CMS management, the root of all evil is those "no
good, over-paid, worthless @#$%^&* who lay off on the week-ends" that cause
all the problems. Well excuse my ignorance, but if you are a youngster and
they are working your ass off because the boards are short, when are you
going to lay off? Friday and Saturday night sound good to you?

Once again UP has proved that they do not care about their employees. Please
send future issues of INFO Magazine to someone who believes your BS.
Yours truly,
Pissed Old Fart.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Join Union Pacific Railroad... Where People are Proud to Work." The theme
will be used throughout all UP recruitment advertising. Brochures are being
finalized for each craft and will be used for recruiting with the Job
Services, Urban Leagues, colleges and other community sources. In the college
recruiting area, UP will be represented at 35 colleges this year. (From UP
internal messages)
---------------------------------------------------------------
WE GET LETTERS, Part 2
We on the BNSF would gladly send you an incompetent official to correct the
problems at Roseville. He has had tremendous amount of experience in hump
yard development and would surely like to return for a visit to the UP/SP. We
may suffer his loss but would surely like to help. Write Rob Krebs and ask
for Dave Dealey, Vice President Operations. He singlehandedly redesigned
Argentine Yard in KC, saving the BNSF millions while providing the car forces
there more work (can't send more than one car down the hump at atime). Plus
he developed a program that allowed the bowl crews early quits and OT.
Please write Krebs and ask for this manager, please.
JDF

OUR SPIES ARE EVERYWHERE DEP'T
63 TOP UP EXECS RIPPING OFF SHARES OF STOCK
(For obvious reasons our writer wishes to remain anonymous.)

It was announced last week that 63 UP executives are being handed one million
Shares of UP stock with an interest-bearing loan from UP that requires these
63 executives to pay back the loans and interest ONLY if the company's
financial performance does not reach certain targets over a scheduled period
of time.

It would be appropriate for UPOnline to describe in exquisite detail exactly
how the Company-financed stock purchase plan for 63 senior executives will
benefit railroad operations and, most importantly, the employees in the
trenches who actually make the railroad work. The most provocative question,
of course, is "When will my stock options in UP Shares have any value?"
Knowing that the 63 executives would be mortified if they actually had to pay
the principle and interest on such financing and that, therefore, they will
do all possible to reduce operating expenses, one is at a loss to see the
benefit to the railroad and, again, the employees.

Maintenance-of-Way budgets are being slashed 37%, so that means that spot
track improvements (as opposed to planned production gang work) will probably
fall by the wayside (so to speak) and with it, track speed and, ultimately,
the dearly beloved concept of velocity. Crew starts have already been
reduced and it is expected that train starts are also going to be slashed.

Given that the stock purchase plan is openly sanctioned by the Board of
Directors, it would be fitting for any one or all to offer publicly their
comments on the long-term prognosis for the railroad given the view towards
short-term financial gain for 63 senior executives of the Company. It would
be inspirational to the employees if UPOnline were to resume daily
publication of the value of 200 shares of UP common stock granted to the
employees so that they can see that they are right in there benefitting with
63 senior executives of the Company.

Of course, be assured the 63 senior executives purchased the UP stock for at
least $55.00 per share because that is the value of the stock "given" the
employees under the UP Shares program. The 63 senior executives are probably
asking for a higher price, just to demonstrate their commitment to Union
Pacific's financial well-being and to reassure the employees, who are the
ones actually making the railroad work, that UP Shares is intended to truly
benefit the employees who are working seven days per week, 14 hours per day.

Employee morale in the trenches is non-existent and the anger and frustration
is now being openly expressed. Of course, Joseph Goebbels had nothing but
exhortations to greater glory for the German Sixth Army at the gates of
Stalingrad and the German public had firm belief that victory against the
Soviet hordes was within their grasp. It's funny how reality had a different
end for that story. Whats not so funny is how UP management can be viewed as
analogous to the Third Reich.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Announcement:
If everything goes as planned, SNAKEBITES will be online by the next issue.
Those of you who now receive the ‘bites by E-mail will be notified of our
address on the net. We will also be linked to several other sites. Hard
copies will still be available in Roseville. EDITOR
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SNAKEBITES is published as a public nuisance by the Roseville Switchmen. Any
attempt to make sense of the content of this newsletter is futile.
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