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July 2001

From the Shredder Room…

           (Every once in a while our intrepid spies in Omaha uncover a real gem.-Ed.)

           From: Ike

           To: Dick, c/o Omaha Cold Storage, Inc.

           Dick, you did a great job at the Senate subcommittee hearing in May.  Why these Surface

           Transportation Board jerks continue to question our management strategy is beyond me,

           especially since we coughed up a lot of bread to buy them off. We even sent our flagship

           train—that’s the one with the really big wheels—to Los Angeles so we could entertain Cheney

           and Vice President Bush.

           You know, if we had a stick of track in West Virginia, I’d give the order to rip it up right now,

           and damn our friends in the Republican Party.  Remind me to put Governor Rockefeller on our

           “enemies list.”  That brings up my next point.  We need a plan to improve our image. Our

           constant barrage of phony publicity is only effective on our #1 customer—the inane middle

           managers we’ve rescued from oblivion at real companies. But that rubbish about us not telling

           our shippers how much we’ll charge them to haul toaster ovens and martini glasses from point

           A to point B really frosts my balls.  As a matter of fact, I disguised my voice and called up our

           service center about six months ago, and when they get around to returning my call I’m sure I’ll

           have a great freight rate.  Do you think our competition can do better?

           So, what’s with our critics?  They’re attacking us from every angle. Sadly, most of the damage

           seems to come from our own ranks, which is why we must hire, train, and cut off new

           employees more efficiently.  We really need to get our new hires from the bottom of the food

           chain, and that applies to management as well. I still like my idea about using our employees as

           collateral for new locomotives.   My pals at the Bonfire-of-the-Vanities Country Club, the

           mostly all-white place I’ve told you about, think that’s a great idea.

           Back to my main point, we should get Cheney to sponsor federal legislation to make it a felony

           when anyone fails to show the proper respect for our logo.  That includes anyone who sports a

           UP bumper sticker on a vehicle, plays with model trains, or engages in any manner of thought

           which could be construed as an assault on our company, its colors, logo, including but not

           limited to any facsimile, reproduction, draft, comic book, film or digital photograph, toilet

           paper or cocktail napkin doodle.  And I really like the idea of thought crime, too. I want to see

           something about that in the next UP rulebook.  Think of it: new hires can begin service with a

           strike against them before showing up to work.

           And what’s this about prohibiting crews from alighting from moving equipment?  Didn’t we

           have them doing something different a while back?  More to the point, I didn’t realize we still

           had employees on freight trains.  What happened with our plans to automate the railroad?

           Anyway, I think the solution should be that 50% of the crews alight from moving equipment,

           and the other 50% should not.  I tell you, my experience building rocket-powered toaster ovens

           comes in handy at least once a day.

           To close on a related note, I understand that Roseville continues to not meet our fake

           efficiency goals.  It’s time to show Shudak the door.  Have someone remind him to remove his

           tie before he uses the knife. 

           We Get Letters, Part 1

           Snakebites:

           Working the Conductor's Extra Board, I did call the UP Help Number with regards to

           work/rest problems that was in the AM/PM Brochure.  I was given Dennis Holland's phone

           number (402-271-4155) and told him how exhausted I was with being called on my rest.  I

           asked him what can he do for me. His response was a lot of words telling me about the

           complexity of the problem, the long standing problems with an industry that's 150 years old,

           etc. - outright verbal fakery!  I simply said that I had worked almost 30 years as a conductor

           and the schedule was killing me.  I asked what's the purpose of the AM/PM Brochure if he's

           unwilling to help me.  Dr. Holland said that I'm lucky to be aware of my serious chronic fatigue

           problem "that the AM/PM Brochure is try and reach out to those who don't know that they

           have a health problem".

            If you're confused and tired, please call Dr. Dennis Holland in Omaha for sleep therapy.

           Please be advised that he only works from 8 to 5.  Daylight hours - five days a week.

           J. J. Sheridan, Eugene, OR

            Editor’s Corner: Cans of Worms

            I’m getting word that our brothers and sisters in the shop crafts have put a crimp in Uncle

           Pete’s operation in North Platte. Seems the carrier won’t bargain in good faith (what a surprise)

           and so the shop folks have decided to give them their money’s worth.  Follow all rules, 100%

           compliance with FRA regs, do it right.  In their normal humanitarian fashion, UP’s

           dysfunctional Labor Relations department goes to court (sound familiar?) to solve a problem

           they can’t.  Bottom line?  UP is running scared by these actions, because sooner or later this

           kind of thing is going to show up in front of a judge they haven’t bought yet with the sense to

           say, “Hey, these are YOUR RULES and these are FEDERAL REGULATIONS, so why

           punish your employees for compliance?”  More to come…The popular and widely circulated

           COLA petition is still out there nationwide.  If you haven’t seen it, let the editor know via our

           e-mail and a copy will be forwarded…..UTU/BLE courtship is on again, so stay tuned for the

           latest chapter in this soap opera.  Best bet:  Start over again with a constitutional convention

           with NEW delegates….Overnight Trucking employee/stockholders are suing the company’s

           management for damages caused by their  mishandling of the recent labor disputes there.  An

           example of big Dick’s attitude toward you. (he’s named as a defendant) ….Our friends at CMS

           say the new computer system is going on-line shortly after the first of the year.  Didn’t say

           what year…In case you might forget, Safety is Numero Uno on the UP, BNSF, NS and other

           outlaw, out of control carriers.  Right.  The new policies are being implemented as you read

           this.  Intimidate the hell out of injured employees and blackmail, coerce or otherwise prevent

           them from reporting injuries.  Hell, no reportables, no problem, right?  Federal and state

           regulators should look into this ASAP, if they’re not too busy having lunch and schmoozing on

           the carriers dime.  Write everything down as soon after an incident as you can and call your

           union guy!  The carriers will send their damage control sleazeballs in and try to cover up any

           and all truth.  It’s very plain to anyone who has ever had to deal with this kind of thing that all

           the nations railroads are in on this cover-up and don’t care whether you live or die…Recently

           seen in Roseville Yard: Managers with spray paint and stencils re-numbering cars in the

           departure yard.  Who says your list isn’t right?…Snakebites is sponsoring yet another inane

           contest.  This time we ask our readers for the REAL definition of DP. (No, it doesn’t really

           mean Distributed Power) Recent entrants include: Dysfunctional Process, Dumb People,

           Delaying Program, Deadly Push: well, you get the idea.  Send your entries to the editor and if

           we publish yours, you’ll get 3 days and one night in the basement of the new tower at N.

           Platte…In the meantime, work safe, follow the rules and look out for each other,

            Sarge  

           We Get Letters, Part 2

           Dear Snake,

           Thought you might like to hear how the safety hot line tool is used at Albina.  When a safety

           issue is reported to the 'hot line' the manager in charge of the area where the issue exists gets

           pissed off.  He then gets the manager of the person reporting the safety issue to unite with him

           to impose retribution on the employee(s) reporting the problem.

           Now the employee(s) feels the entire issue should be handled by their unnamed Union.  Where

           upon the managers have a meeting with the Union representative stating that more retribution

           is in line for the employee(s) reporting the issue in the first place and, by the way, since the

           union representative was in the room at that instance here is an extra dose of retribution for

           you as well.

           Moral of the story: The safety Hotline 'tool' is not now and never will be used again by the

           employee(s) group to solve a safety issue. Why did the 'great big blundering railroad'

           management start the thing in the first place?  Obviously, as a public relations tool, not a tool

           to address safety problems.

           Another shell-shocked employee

           Dog Days

           Recently a UP Online story featured the unusual rescue of a police dog, which suffered heat

           stroke while chasing some bad guys off a train in Southern California’s desert area.  The valiant

           canine was rescued through the combined efforts of UP police, operating and maintenance

           employees with the assistance of the California Highway Patrol, who supplied the helicopter to

           airlift the dog to a local hospital.  (Human hospital, that is.)

           After heroic efforts by the MDs there he was released to the vets, who said he had a good

           chance for a full recovery.  We applaud this humane effort, BUT…….This note from one of

           our LCs.

            I have members, along with other locals who have had members who have suffered heat stroke

           and heat exhaustion that were not transported by helicopter to the hospital. But I can see the

           difference:

           1. The dogs take longer to train than conductors. 

           2. They don't have any dogs on the cutoff board, so it would take longer to 

           replace them. 

           3. Dogs can't read, so they were not sent Union Pacific Publication on Heat 

           Stress. 

           4. No FELA Attorney's are representing this craft, at this time. 

           5. Conductors, you can bark all you want, but unless you’re capable of biting, don't expect a

           helicopter. 

           Wayne Hudgins 

           Local Chairman 

           UTU Local 1846

           Of Special Note…

           Southern Pacific Switchman D.D. Berg has decided to retire this month, after 42 years of

           service here in Roseville. Del has seen a lot of changes around here over the years, some good,

           some not.  But he has always kept his good humor and has the respect of all who know him.

           The editors and staff of Snakebites, as well as all the Roseville Switchmen, Trainmen

           Engineers and Officers, wish him a happy, healthy and enjoyable retirement. 

June 2001

  Latest Industry News

  Due to the escalation of fuel prices and the dwindling economy the CSX, in continuing efforts

  to reduce the work force and conserve money, announced that it would run trains without

  crews. Although the media was alerted to a runaway train an unidentified spokesman for the

  CSX said all was going well until some knuckleheaded hero jumped the train and applied the

  brakes. CSX estimates that overall savings from running trains with no crews would spur the

  economy and cause their stock to skyrocket. "We just wanted to be the first to run trains

  without crews, we heard the new NS motto ‘Employee Free in 2003’ so we decided we better

  get on the band wagon.” CSX officials are determining whether to write up the trainmaster for

  boarding an engine while it was moving. Labor organizations are still trying to decide who gets

  to timeslip the “heroic” company officer.

  A Modest Proposal…

  (Editor’s note:  this article was sent to the UTU News with a request to publish. 

  Don’t hold yer breath.)

  Since 1985 we've been told half a loaf was the best we could do. The 1985 agreement

  produced 10.5% in wage increases over 5 years while eroding miles, arbitrary payments,

  deadheads and created a dual pay system that treats post '85 members as if they don't equally

  risk their lives or take extended time away from their families. Another outrageous example

  was the 1991 agreement that gave us 10% over 6 years while inflation spiked up 30% (20%

  immediate loser) and demanded road employees forfeit another 22 miles (42% ultimate loser).

  The 1996 agreement produced 10.5% over 5 years in general wage increases while cutting

  deadhead payments and back loaded ("off" during agreement period) a partial cost of living

  adjustment to 1999. Only 56 cents per hour was produced over the entire five-year period due

  to the 50% limitation clause that only considers "Half the increase in the CPI during any

  measurement period." I imagine it would therefore include 100% of any decrease should there

  ever be a deflationary period, very clever!

  We are told to swallow another 11% over five years without COLA during the life of the 2000

  agreement to "advance" to a new pay system. These "Trip Rates" will be established by

  averaging in deadheads, creating unknown, future reduced rates that will end the dual pay

  disparity. It's interesting at this point because unlike before, current typical US wage increases

  are averaging 4.5% according to the Federal Reserve with corresponding five year 

  union contracts across the country coming in at 25% or more. In original proposed form, after

  the new agreement runs out in 2005, COLA kicks back "on" at 50 cents on the dollar with a

  new cap, reduced from today's 8% to 6%. Gee, can't wait!

  Blank check "Trip Rates" determined by the carrier, no COLA, then half-a-COLA after five

  years, automatic markup and 11% over five years with no increase in meal allowances are the

  "best we can do," once again. Anybody see a pattern here? Are we actually to continue to pay

  the dues to this organization? Or, since the employer benefits most, is there a provision for the

  carriers will pick up the dues? I must have missed it. You can't possibly expect us to continue

  to pay for this kind of "representation," or can you? 

  Just how dumb are we?  That might be the real question.

  I would propose an hourly rate of pay with overtime after eight hour minimum per call for

  every employee, based on pre-'85 current earnings for miles, arbitrary payments and claims; A

  five day week established for road employees by paying overtime starts after 11 trips

  completed per pay period; 11% in general wage increases over five years would only be

  acceptable if a FULL COLA without 50% limitation clause or reduced cap continued during

  the entire agreement period and beyond. This might be worth considering a longer-term

  contract with additional general/COLA wage raises. 

  Is this pie in the sky or a reasonable resolution to the current watered down wages and dual

  pay disparity? Is over $30C/$35E per hour straight time achievable? Only by federating with

  ALL other rail unions in a "we won't sign until everybody signs" oath to combat the carriers

  divide and conquer strategy that has been so successful in the past. These last two paragraphs

  are my opinion, others may have better proposals I hope they will submit.

  Bob Webb, UTU local 240, Los Angeles

  Why We Don’t Need Conductors 

  I’ve been thinkin’ this over for a while and I finally decided how we can solve one of the

  biggest problems the railroads and unions have.  Namely, what to do with all them damn

  conductors! These guys have shuffled papers and slept on duty for years, up until they took

  away the brakemen.  Now all they do is bitch about having to do the former brakie’s work,

  generally while avoiding it altogether.  As far as sleeping and shuffling papers go, we already

  have tons of managers who get paid to do these things.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve been

  known to take a nap or two in my day and shuffle a switch list now and then.  But there’s a big

  difference.  Switchmen can actually read a switch list.  (Well, most of ‘em.)  They also know

  how to operate cut levers, tie hand brakes and actually switch cars!  What a concept!  Most

  conductors have a severe allergic reaction when instructed to do these things. Now that UP

  and other carriers have figured out how to promote hogheads to switchmen, the answer is right

  in front of us!  We can finally get all operating guys in one union, too!  We’ll call it SUNA.

  What, you’ve heard that name before?   Lemme ‘splain it to you.  We’ve got switchmen,

  engineers and groundhogs (promoted to switchman).  We send all the conductors over to the

  short lines where they can be in charge of everything and exercise their egos.  Make the whole

  damn railroad yard limits, and run it with our new class of employees:  Switchineers.  Then we

  form the Switchineers Union of North America.  Unity at last!  Don’t ya just love it???

   As always, Snake.

  We Get Letters….

  I was going through my mail today, switching out the bills from the junk, and was about to toss

  out a piece of junk mail when I happened to see it was from UPRR. I’m sure by now, you have

  all received and read, with much enthusiasm, PROJECT AM / PM. If you did toss it, your first

  instinct was correct, it was just more junk mail from UPRR on how they are progressively

  addressing fatigue issues. Just when you think these assholes couldn’t possibly shovel one more

  load of manure on the pile, they succeed (sic). This pyramid of B.S. is now of such a size it

  should be labeled as the Eighth Wonder of the World, but I digress.

  This PROJECT AM / PM magazine was just chock full of all the catchy buzz words, bullet

  points and check lists that are meant to inspire the dim witted reader (which includes the FRA)

  that the UPRR is serious about addressing fatigue issues. I need to vent so I’ll just scream this

  at the top of my lungs before finishing this. “HORSESHIT!”

  This is the same company that is keeping our extra boards so short, that people are getting out

  on their rest. Short boards did solve their inadequate train line-ups. Who needs a line-up when

  you know you are going to get called in 8 hours. But line-ups are another pack of lies that

  deserve their own report. Because the extra boards are depleted, they have turned the pools

  into extra boards, placed blocks on lay-offs, denied personal leave days and even hard-timed

  one old head for having the audacity to request bereavement leave!

  The UPRR canceled the first generation of work/rest extra boards because when the choice

  was between addressing fatigue or squeezing money from the employees, the almighty dollar

  took priority. PROJECT AM / PM will take the same backseat to budget. If it ends up costing

  too much money to have rested employees, this project will die the same quiet death as did

  Quality programs and soon SAC-P.

  The magazine purports that UPRR will soon have PROJECT AM / PM coordinators (which

  should cause a stampede of OS junkies elbowing each other to get at the trough). PROJECT

  AM / PM is doomed if they go toe to toe with PROJECT CMS. As we all have learned, it is

  CMS who really runs this railroad and every other department is subordinate to CMS (including

  Labor Relations).

  In closing, this slick magazine is packed with good information and put out by well-intentioned

  people. The UPRR, however, is merely putting on a show while they are really lying to their

  employees, the stockholders, the government, and the public. Their bottom line is that they are

  only willing to address fatigue issues if it doesn’t cost them money.

  Grumpy Old Switchman

  Dumb-Assed Switchman of the Month

  It’s not often that we talk about a manager in terms that can be called positive, and getting this

  award is a mixed blessing.  In fact, whenever Snakebites mentions a company officer by name,

  his career as a railroad officer is somewhat ambiguously affected.  That is, he’s generally

  screwed.  But anyway…

  This month we honor G.L.“Punky” Poff, DTO here in Roseville, with the “Union Pacific

  Micro-Managed-to-Death” award for his forbearance in being only four miles from the regional

  VP’s office and having the General Super in the same place.  In spite of these two wonderful

  folks, our recipient has successfully operated a railyard designed by incompetent communists

  who were determined to destroy America’s transportation system but got hired by UP instead.

  What has this to do with the D-A-S award, you may ask?   Well, before he went nuts and

  became a company officer, this guy was actually a real, live switchman.  So congratulations,

  Punky, you just won a cheeseburger and a warm beer.  Nobody ever said life was fair.

  Griever’s Corner

  Following their infamous blundering non-success with “Team West Colton” UP has decided to

  try it again in the Pacific Northwest.  Our spies tell us that due to a recent management

  screw-up on the Portland Service Unit, the various and sacred UP numbers fell apart around

  Brooklyn and Albina Yards.  Labor Relations, in their constant quest to avoid agreement

  compliance, has now determined that it’s easier to call our General Counsel and threaten a

  lawsuit than to bargain in good faith with the General Committee involved.  Next up:  “Team

  Albina”, with predictable results…In the same vein, our spies in San Antonio tell us the Super

  there has sent a message to all his managers offering free tickets to the Spurs play-off for the

  drone who gets the most Act 3’s (investigations).  Way to go Gary, there’s a special place in

  Hell for folks like you…UP’s propaganda dep’t. is in full defensive mode, threatening to sue,

  after being blasted by the cyber-games folks.  Seems they took offense at having the UP logo

  and big-yellow locomotives used in Microsoft’s computer simulation railroad game.  They say

  they’re afraid someone might learn how to steal a locomotive and wreak havoc on America’s

  rail system.  No other company objected to their ID used in this harmless game, but then the

  UP has screwed up America’s rail system in the last few years far worse than some foamer on a

  computer could ever dream of.  Let’s face it, they’re just afraid someone might have a little

  fun…Our fearless leader, the great Dick, appeared before Congress last month,  along with

  some other so-called leader of industry, to beg for more corporate welfare and less regulation.

  One of his remarks before a Senate subcommittee was that the UP was “strong & healthy”, but

  was “losing ground.”  How’d you like to hear your doctor say that about you?….Our spies in

  the south have sent us word that many of the generators that disappeared from the property

  last winter are turning up at flea markets and garage sales around the area.  Seems most of

  them worked for about a week and then quit.  Sounds like UP new hires….Local stuff: We

  finally had a derailment in the yard they can’t blame on one of us!  This is important, so mark

  your calendars.  This may never happen again.  Heads up, though, ‘cause they’ll be looking to

  hang the next one on some poor slob who probably wasn’t even on duty…..On this subject, I

  might as well repeat the Roseville Switchmen’s motto:  Never have so many labored so long to

  move so few cars to no place in particular.  Then we come back tomorrow and do it again.

  Sometimes the same cars…Remember the new folks that were in training around the first of

  the year?   We hear most of them have told the UP to stuff it and gone out and got real jobs.

  Who says the new folks aren’t getting smarter?   This outfit continues to step over dollars to

  pick up dimes, but I guess it’s in the budget…Anyway, work safe, do what you’re told and look

  out for each other.

  Sarge

  Quote of the Month

  “Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?”

  Ike Evans

April 2001

           All the News that’s Fit to Print

           UP is busy lobbying the Nebraska legislature to give them a tax break to do what they had

           planned anyway.  Up to 500 jobs are to be transferred to Omaha from St. Louis and other

           locations.  That is, as long as Uncle Pete gets a free tax ride from the taxpayers of Omaha and

           the rest of Nebraska in the form of up to 15% off their property, building and other state

           taxes.  Wake up, folks!  Remember the term “corporate welfare”?  This way they get a free ride

           on the new building they propose and can dump the old, patched up headquarters building off

           on some unsuspecting local real estate broker and his equally dumb banker. 

           UP never did anyone any favors.  To allow the state legislature to pass a law which will be sold

           to the public as “for the public good”, or “ it’ll get more employment in our local area.”

           Is absolute bullshit!  Anyone who can honestly say that the Union Pacific Railroad has given

           more to any community they have touched than they have stolen from that community is out

           of touch with reality. 

           A Seasonal Note

           A conductor in Livonia yard was charged with not checking to see if the switch was free of

           debris before lining it. It seems that an officer placed an egg in the switch points as a test, the

           conductor saw the egg and figured gee, that’s funny, and lined the switch. So now we're all

           Easter Egg hunting!    It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.

           View from the Hump

           For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, the Roseville Hump has been a source of

           heartburn for UP management ever since the first car rolled down the lead through about a

           thousand Dowty retarders and shot out the other end of the bowl like a scalded cat.  This

           should have been a wake-up call to the poor fools in charge of the Grand Opening, (most of

           whom are no longer in positions of authority) but the message was lost in UP’s usual massive

           system of denial and blame.  So here we are, almost two years later, and does it work?  Well,

           that depends on who you ask. 

           The engineering and design types have long since disappeared, covering their tracks behind

           them, so the local managers are left holding the bag.  According to them, the whole thing just

           needs to be “fine-tuned” a bit and we’ll be humping 1800 cars a day like clockwork.  On the

           other hand, the Switchmen and Yardmasters who have to work this mess every day, day in and

           day out, know the hard truth.  This “Jewel of the West” yard is a failure and the only thing

           holding the whole fiasco together is the hard work of experienced employees who know that if

           it totally fails their jobs are on the line. 

           The new management buzzword this month is “accountability.”  OK guys, who’s accountable

           for the 150 mil you bozos dumped into this bottomless pit?   Who’s going to fix this

           monumental screw-up?  I’m waiting……..

           I.M. Pissed, Conductor and UP Stockholder

           We get Letters, Part 23

           Has anyone ever considered the thought of filing a lawsuit against Union Pacific Railroad for

           unreimbursed expenses that the company forces on its employees?  I believe that the

           dislocation and travel expenses we occur as trainmen should not be a burden to the employees

           or the IRS.  Union Pacific Railroad has shifted their operating costs on to us to the point where

           putting food on the table is an issue.  The employees pass these expenses on to the IRS, which

           should not be their burden, either.  Our contracts have imposed major hardships on families,

           and it is time for us to take a stand.  There have been successful judgements against

           corporations who have forced employees to cover operating costs.  (Kerr v. Snap-On Tool

           Co.)  The employees had to agree to cover the operating costs as a condition of employment

           and they still won!  IT IS TIME!

           Going Broke in Oregon as UP stock continues to rise.

           Griever’s Corner

           Last time we stepped in it big time and forgot to credit our brothers in San Antonio for the

           “Deadhead from Hell story.”  Our apologies.  Check out their website at www.upsasu.org .

           Stood up again dep’t:  February’s local chairmen’s meeting with Superintendent Sheetrock was

           shot down at the last minute because this money-short, tight fisted operation had to send its

           senior officers 300 miles to see 10 cars on the ground at Dunsmuir, CA. At least we didn’t

           have to duck flying office supplies….Don’t give a drop of your blood or any other fluid to the

           carrier. (Yeah, I know all the wisecracks.)  The Big Nothing So Far got caught trying to

           genetically classify its employees as to their propensity to injury.  Look out, folks, the RRs are

           trying to evade their responsibility once again.  If you’re hurt, shut up and ALWAYS call a

           Union Officer….Norfolk Southern, one of Uncle Pete’s competitors, has announced that it has

           given its senior management a substantial bonus this year, in spite of lackluster performance.

           Of course, this means that the Rev. Ike and Dickie Boy will get their usual totally underserved

           and lofty sums very soon. After all, the NS can’t do better than us, can they? …Coming up on

           our web site:  The Foothill Chronicles, the dramatic and exciting story of one service unit’s

           struggle to solve all the problems inherent in running a semi-successful railroad in Northern

           California… Trainmaster Jack Fuller has chosen to leave the Union Pacific Railroad.  This may

           not sound like a big deal unless you know Jack. You’ll notice that I called him Trainmaster, the

           traditional title of a railroad officer, not some kind of three-letter “manager.”  Jack has always

           been admired and respected by the troops out in the field.  He is a fair and humane officer who

           gets the job done without harassment and will not tolerate the kind of bullying and anti-social

           behavior so common on today’s UP.   Jack is from the old school.  If you screw up, you may

           get an ass-chewing, but not a “level” to get you closer to being fired.  I’ve known a lot of

           officers in my railroad career, but few have measured up to this guy.  Once again, UP has run

           off some of the best help they ever had. 

           Work Safe, and keep an eye on the new guys…..

           Sarge

           Quote-of-the-Month

           “The most subservient slaves are those who have been told they’re free and don’t know any

           better.” 

           Wm. B. Leavenworth

           Free Railroad Rules Classes (Paid Advertisement)

           “Union Pacific offers FREE rules instruction in several locations to all those interested. We

           guarantee that if you pass our classes, you will get:  A seniority number, a cushy spot on the

           cut-off board, a stack of bills you can’t pay, less-than-pocket-change unemployment benefits,

           low self-esteem, managers who will say, “It’s all your fault!”, and a nervous twitch whenever

           you see the color yellow.  Results may vary.  Prior experience and engineer certification mean

           nothing.  Call 1-800-CUT-MEOFF today for your FREE information packet.  Remember, you

           must be willing to give up the good job you have now and wait for UP to call you, so don’t

           have a life.  Management positions always available due to high turnover.”

           (Thanks to Bat M. for the idea) 

           History Lesson

           The standard gauge for railroads in most of the English-speaking world is 56 1/2 inches.  One

           may wonder how this came about, but it’s really quite simple.  Early  railways in England and

           Ireland were built by the same folks who built the tramways, which had existed since before

           the industrial revolution. And these tramways were built on the same pattern as wagons had

           been built for hundreds of years before that.  In order to avoid destroying their wheels and

           axles on the rough roads of the time, they were designed to run in the existing ruts.  Most of

           the major roads of the time had ruts in them for centuries.  They were part of the system of

           Roman roads built throughout the empire to accommodate the war chariots of Imperial Rome,

           which were pulled by two horses.  Specifications and bureaucracies live forever.  So the next

           time you are told to do something and ask what horse’s ass came up with this idea, you’ll know

           the answer. It probably took two of them.  Because Roman war chariots were made just wide

           enough to accommodate the back end of two horses, the pattern was set for railroad

           management for centuries.  Some things never change.

           (Special thanks to Annie O.)

           Bye-bye, boys!

           In their never-ending quest to rid themselves of former SP officers, UP has offered an early

           retirement/buy-out to those who qualify.  Our spies in Omaha tell us that the carrier has

           decided they can get by with fewer useless managers so, in their usual logical fashion, they get

           rid of the most qualified.  Of course, this makes the ones who remain behind look better

           because the smart ones they used to compare them to are gone.  Here in Roseville we bid

           farewell to Ed Kief, Ed Wiseman and Lt. Dan.  Keif and Wiseman have been replaced but

           nobody can fill the shoes of Lt. Dan.  We understand there is a system-wide search going on to

           find a qualified water-bottle officer.   Our condolences to the survivors.

           We Get Letters, again

           Ed. Note: I get about 10 or so like this every month.  What do you think?

           I am a railfan in former CNW territory in Central Iowa. My  grandfather (R.I.P.) worked 25

           years for the CNW as a switchman. First off, the UP's prize Overland Route across Iowa has

           53 slow orders on one main alone between Boone and Clinton, IA. Reminds me of what the

           CNW main was in the 1970's. Pretty soon, you will hear of a wreck on this line.  Many days,

           trains are backed up waiting to get into Clinton. On the Spine Line, south of Des Moines is a

           parking lot, with sidings blocked holding dead trains. It's a mess! 

           Dave, Sons of the CNW

           The Last Straw…

           As I’m sure most of the SP west folks have already heard, the “Team West Colton” concept

           has gone right in the crapper thanks to a leaked communication between the nazi minions in

           their further quest to destroy what’s left of the little trust we ever had for UP management.

           Nice going, guys.  Dick will probably give you all a promotion for this one.  Either that or kick

           your stupid butts.

           The carrier and UTU came to a meeting of the minds and dropped the ridiculous lawsuit

           against some of the members there for supposedly slowing down their operations.  Nobody

           ever gave a thought to the fact that these number-crunchers have tied both hands behind our

           backs in the name of injury prevention so that we can’t get anything done, anyway.

           Nevertheless, they continue to persecute the very folks who make their meaningless jobs

           possible in the first place.  Bottomfeeders in Roseville, set-‘em-up and bust ‘em in West Colton

           are just the beginning.  Incompetent, arrogant jackasses like these are now in charge where

           railroaders used to rule.  The editors of Snakebites believe that the solution lies in doing

           exactly as you are told.  If you do exactly as you are told they have no way to attack you.  In

           fact, things will go into the dumpster so fast they won’t be able to bring in new managers fast

           enough to screw it up into the next level. (Pardon the term!)  So, Remember:

           We always work safely, we do not “slow down”, since it is illegal, we only do as we are told. 

           Gee, we’re sorry your railroad doesn’t work any more, guess you forgot how to do this stuff in

           your rush to bolster the stock price and make sure you get your bonuses.  Please let us know

           how else we can help. 

           Special note to every Superintendent on the UP who instructs their managers to harass or

           intimidate the troops:  Today you are the big guy, tomorrow you are just another poor dumb

           unemployed jerk.  We union folks out here will always have a job.  Will you?   Probably not. 

           I remember the guy who said, “Can’t we all just get along?”

           It’s too late, I think.   You lose.

           Show  Me The Money!

           Local 492 here in Roseville has put out an informative and useful booklet about how to get

           your claims handled.  The examples are mostly for Trainmen but the general info is so good we

           recommend it to all crafts.  You may download a copy from their website: www.utu492.org  .

           Good job, Local 492!

             SNAKEBITES is published as a public nuisance by the Roseville switchmen.  Any resemblance to the characters

               portrayed here and someone in the real world is probably an accident, but we do get it right once in a while.

            Contributions are always welcome, provided you work for free and enjoy having your stuff ripped to pieces by our

                     editor.   Communications may be sent to: editor@snakebites.org, www.snakebites.org

Febuary 2001

The News and Nothing but The News

The folks at the BLE kicked the Evil Empire right in the shins on Friday, ,Jan. 27, when they called a
strike on the UP because of the Nazi tactics of labor relations and the puppet masters who so gleefully
pull their strings. Of course, the UP pulled a snoozing judge out of bed and got a temporary restraining
order against the people who make them rich enough to afford this sort of thing. Way to go, BLE,
More power to ya. Next time kick ‘em a little higher, OK? We hear the UP found out about this
“secret” strike when a BLE officer called in to lay off. When they said he couldn’t, he said, “It’s really
important. I gotta get ready for the strike!”

It Never Rains in Southern California…

A powerful winter rainstorm dumped heavy rains over the Los Angeles Basin including East LA yard.
Uncle Pete in his divine wisdom saves a nickel by refusing to maintain the yard tracks then loses a dollar
on the back side when wide gauge derailments occur costing repairs to equipment and lost man-hours
(but hey - that comes out of someone else's budget!) Thursday January 11 saw several M.U.'ed switch
engines being hostled toward the backshop lead for service go on the ground after the rail gave out.
The occurrence drew the usual crowd of finger pointing manager types from Operating, Mechanical and
Track departments. While the blame game was going on, none of these skilled leaders saw fit to place a
red flag between the rails to prevent another such event until repairs could be made.
Fast forward to Friday January 12. A large road locomotive went on the ground at the same location
because there was no red flag warning of defective rail! The ELA trainmaster was just about ready to
put the gun barrel into his mouth after that repeat incident. Not an hour later the lead from the wye
experienced a broken rail effectively paralyzing the entire west end of the yard as the dispatcher could
not give a signal. At this writing the yard is still trying to dig itself out of the muck. Power is stacking up
and trains are being rescheduled. Regards from the front,
JB

More Tales from Texas or; The Deadhead from Hell

Hello Fellow Railroad Co-workers, I just wanted to share a little story with all of you. I was called off
the XE30 board to protect a yard job in Laredo at the Port at 22:00 Sun Dec.10th. I put off duty at
05:00 Mon. Dec.11th to deadhead back to San Antonio, at which time a carry-all was called. The driver,
a local long haul from Laredo, showed up at the Port at 07:00. By coincidence, a San Antonio conductor
was also there protecting a different job and was riding back with us. We departed the Port at 07:10.
The driver took a shortcut across the median from the Port due to construction, putting us at the Border
Patrol Checkpoint Station at 07:15. Unlike normal times, when Border Patrol Agents usually wave long
haul limos thru, we were stopped, and asked our citizenship. While doing so, a Border Patrol drug dog
began sniffing the van. Agents asked us to pull over to the side for a more detailed search. The driver
seemed nervous at this time for no apparent reason. Three agents, along with the dog handler came to
the van and asked for us all to get out. The dog jumped in the van and within seconds was going crazy.
Then we were all placed under arrest for trafficking marijuana! When I asked to see what they were
talking about, I saw a brick of marijuana inside a box of our drinking water, next to two six-packs of the
water. After being arrested, handcuffed, fingerprinted, photographed and stripped of all my personal
belongings, we were placed in a holding cell (not pretty). Moments later, agents brought in 5 cases of
our drinking water from the van, unloading brick after brick of marijuana, a grand total of 51 lbs. in all.
F.Y.I., anything over 50 lbs. goes straight to being a DEA case! Three and one-half hours later, the DEA
folks showed up to begin questioning. After another hour had passed, the long haul driver FINALLY
confessed that it was his. We were detained for four and one-half hours! THE BEST PART...The MTO
in Laredo was notified of our situation 15 minutes into it! NOT ONE single person from the UNION
PACIFIC RAILROAD came to help us! After our release, we waited for another 2 hours for a
McCormick long haul to come from Kingsville to take us home. BRAVO U.P. and BRAVO
MCCORMICK. Beware of those water boxes in the vans!

“…this is Healthy Worker Speaking…”

Just when you think you've seen it all, they take the term "outrageous" to a new level. It's kinda like
watching the Howard Stern show. You know he can be raunchy, degrading, and demeaning, but you
continue to watch, because you don't know what's going to happen next.
I'm talking about the press release that was issued by the company in early February, which announced to
the world that UP had won the " Platinum 'Well Workplace Award' (We were told the other US
company to win was Union Carbide, who distinguished itself a number of years ago by fumigating a
goodly portion of Bopahl, India; an action which resulted in hundreds of deaths.)

So, how did the UP win this award and who gave it to them? The press release goes on to say that the
"Wellness Council of America" gave it to them for: ". . .the Railroad's commitment to excellence in the
pursuit of enhancing employee health and well-being. . ."This award recognizes those organizations that
have successfully linked workplace health promotion objectives with business outcomes.”

Lets all just sit down, take some deep breaths, and try to keep our collective blood pressures under
control, shall we? You want salt, pepper, or salsa with your "balloon juice?!" I know this is supposed to
be a family publication, but I just can't help myself, when I say: BULL SHIT!!!!!

The events of the past 4 weeks alone, have done nothing to improve the health and well being of the
UP's Operating Employees. We have hundreds of people furloughed, extra boards running way too
short, cancellation notices pending on a number of work rest extra board agreements (with more
cancellation notices expected), as well as a ration of pay shortages for conductors, brakemen, and
switchmen who were on duty and under pay when the BLE pulled their surprise work stoppage on
January 26. (Editor's Note: When the BLE pickets went up, many of the crews were already on duty
and did not leave the property). If you believe that this railroad fosters a healthy psychological work
environment, you: 1) Just fell off a turnip truck; 2) Have an office on the 12th floor of the Omaha
Headquarters Building; or 3) All of the above.

As best as I can figure, the "Wellness Award" must have something to do with offshore oil exploration.
From my observations and experiences, the only people that may be living healthier and more satisfied
lives than ever before are the senior executives. They certainly are not in a position to be victimized by
the unilateral and continual CMS/Labor Relations agreement violations...er..... "policy changes,." not to
mention poor train lineups.
The winter hibernation and gestation period has produced a bumper crop of "weed weasels." They
were ejected from the womb with radar guns in one paw, and a laminated plastic cheat sheet of Cardinal
Rules in the other. Hasn't their continued presence on the property enhanced the collective "wellness" of
the operating employees? Yeah...you bet...!

It sounds to me like the UP, frustrated by it's failed efforts to win the coveted "Malcolm Baldridge
Award," went shopping at SEARS, and bought an award instead. They must have found it in the paint
department. If there is indeed a bona fide "Wellness Council," it had to take several thousand gallons of
whitewash to make the awards application look like it was
submitted by the Mother Teresa Foundation.
Until next time, keep the faith and Be Safe.

Griever’s Corner

Back to the same old routine; we work, the carriers try to screw us. The newest wrinkle is the rip-off
started by some drone in Labor Relations to take away an engineer’s PL days because he didn’t have
enough “starts.” Never mind the guy has the whiskers to work a long pool and racks up a jillion miles,
he doesn’t have the starts so he doesn’t get the PL days. Welcome to Hell…Our spies from the south
tell us that UP’s finest set up a few hundred portable generators along the line to provide power during
the late bad weather in that region. They didn’t read the printing on the boxes that said “portable”
though, because several dozen of them disappeared at about 1500 bucks a pop. It’s in the budget, you
know…Several of UP’s finest here have jumped ship to join the Calif. Public Utilities Comm. as
inspectors. Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?….Work/Rest boards are about to become history, as Worker
predicted in December. With the recent furloughs, expect to be called on your rest days and docked by
the TPA folks if you don’t take the call or have the nerve to get a life… Safety first! Locomotive
engineers are being promoted to ground service and some of them have never switched a car in their
careers. Any training? You may ask. Hell, no! Well, at least now they’ll learn what it feels like to ride the
side of a gondola full of junk for two miles in the rain…The bozos in DC have deemed us important
enough to talk about reforming our retirement again. Even got the BLE on board this time. Guess that
means they and the Republicans can take credit for it if it works. Take all the credit you want, boys, just
get me the hell out of here!…. The best part of being a railroader is the ability to lay off when you want.
Guess what? The bastards are trying to steal that, too! UP has an “Attendance Process” that, if allowed
to continue, will kill your right to lay off. Ask your griever, your legislative rep. or whoever, but raise hell
about this one or we might as well work on a chain gang. Asked a Labor Relations guy about this and
he said, “We’re just doing our job, you know.” Right. That’s what the guys who ran Auschwitz said,
too….

Work safe, work smart, and don’t let the “managers” get to you,
Sarge

Dear Dan Landers, advice to the switchworn..

Dear Dan,

I am a 1995 Engineer promoted to the exalted position of Switchman. Being a switchman is much
more demanding and requires much more focus than I ever imagined. After being a student switchman
for three days, I am now the Foreman with my own student. I feel like I have been thrust into a
position that I am not qualified or trained to perform safely. I also have a student who depends on my
ability to teach him railroading, railroading safely. I am so frustrated and angry I could just kick a hole
or two, or three in the wall of the new Command Center. I feel almost out of control!

Should I sign up for psychological help in the Employee Assistance Program, or should I just throw the
nearest thing I can reach at the first Hub Superintendent I encounter?
I understand that a similar incident has already occurred to some poor bastard. Frustration and anger
are prevalent in this combative atmosphere; it makes me wonder if the Hub Superintendent has felt this
way himself.

Dan, my question is about the new upgraded discipline policy. Would someone who did these
out-of-control things, that I am thinking of doing, be retained in service? Would
they charge me with willful destruction of company property and assault, not to mention the obscenities
and vulgarities that I would be shouting as I unloaded my frustration? I would really like to know what
level of discipline was assessed to the uncontrolled individual (Postal worker or former CNW manager)
so that I can plan my next move.

Sincerely,
Straightjacket

Dear Bro Straightjacket,

If you do all of the above actions with guile and finesse, they will make you a Vice President; however, if
you are sloppy and leave witnesses or detectable plaster patches on the walls, you will be sent to the
Harriman Detention Center for psychological observation. Remember, slaves are not fired!

Sincerely,
Your Brother, Dan

December 2000

2nd Annual Snakebites Christmas Wish List

   Lt. Dan wishes he were a Colonel again. (And so do we.)

   Everyone in El Paso wishes us luck.  We offered to send him back, but no takers.

   Touchdown wishes all the officers a Merry Christmas and wants you to know he will be

  spending the holidays with his family, all expenses paid,  while you guys work nights. 

  Last year, Lee Neal was wishing he had a date.  This year, he’s getting married. 

  Be careful what you wish for.

  All the post-85 guys wish TPA would go away so the old heads would realize we are all 

  working for peanuts here.

   Sam K. wishes someone else could be the truant officer.  (Everyone else wishes Sam wasn’t so

  good at his job.)

  Spike wishes he could go to lunch on time, and quit calling him Spike!

  UTU leadership wishes the BLE would shut the hell up.

  BLE leadership wishes the UTU would shut the hell up.

  The membership wishes they would ALL shut the hell up.

  Year-End Wrap-Up: Omaha

   Geez..where do we begin?   As usual, UP’s micro-managing, jerk-off, no-brain, dumb-assed,

  damned-fool, hare-brained, go-to-hell management has brought us to another brink of disaster.

  In spite of everything the bosses have done to this mega-merged railroad, there still seems to

  be a glimmer of life left in the over-worked, over-extended and under-rewarded work force.

  Not that the over-paid, over-rated mangers in Omaha, that pillar of salt in fertile Mid-America,

  could have done anything about it. 

  As usual, Dick and Ike have spent more money on the three-dollar accountants and hack

  writers to fill up the annual report than they do on real railroading.  Indeed, if the operation of

  a real railroad ever came up over the morning coffee in Omaha, they’d probably say something

  like this:

   Ike: “Hey, Dick, look at this report. We’ve got less than 150 recrews system-wide yesterday!”

  Dick: “Hell, Ike.  You still haven’t learned how to read UP stats.  That just means we got

  away with not reporting 150 personal injuries!”

   Ike: “You mean 150 employees got hurt at work yesterday?”

  Dick: “Well, not exactly.  We had 22,356 recrews, but to make this thing work, we had to

  move some of the numbers over to another column so that the ratio of recrews to managers

  bonuses worked out to the reportable injury rate less the FRA bribe quota. Get it?”

  Ike: “Well, gee Dick, I don’t know.  I used to make toasters by the millions and nobody ever

  got hurt that I know of.”

  Dick: “Look, moron, we didn’t hire you to ask questions.  You’re supposed to use your

  influence to jack up the stock price and put your reputation as a straight-up businessman to

  work to cover up the stuff we really do here at UP.  If you can’t handle that, you better look

  for a job in the Bush administration.”

   Ike: “Wait a minute!  You’re saying that if I don’t like it here I can go and get a job with

  government!  Didn’t Dick Cheney do that after he left UP?  My God!!  You guys want me to be

  the next candidate for Vice-President!  This is great!”

  Dick: “Cool your jets, Ivor.  All we really want is to get your semi-honest ass out of here

  before you figure out what we’re really doing and go and tell Phil Anschutz about it.”

  And so it goes………….

  ...This is "Worker" Speaking... 

  I promised the Editor of this fine publication that I would write a "post-election" issue.

  Thanks to the republican hacks in Florida and the US Supreme Court, I got a 36 day

  reprieve....!

  Well, now we have a republican moron from Texas, who was apparently elected by a bunch of

  democratic morons from Florida..  What does that mean for us working stiffs?  I predict four

  years of pain and hardship.  Kiss "work - rest" extra boards good bye, for starters.  The UP was

  agreeable to work rest as a way of getting the FRA off their backs, when fatigued train crews

  started playing "bumper cars" with the equipment.  No need for that now, as we will soon see

  a Bush appointee as the new FRA director.  Likely, the FRA will be transformed from a

  regulatory agency to a society of federally funded trainmasters, who will be setting up Embassy

  Suite style "duck blinds" at your favorite remote sidings to assist the UP weed weasels with

  their efficiency testing.  Not only will you be subject to Upgrade discipline, how ‘bout a nice

  personal fine for an intentional and/or willful violation of the operating rules?  

  Like the TV ad says: "But Wait...There's More....!" 

  Look for nation's railroads to make a serious run at changing or eliminating FELA.  (If you

  don't understand what FELA is, shame on you for not attending any union meetings). 

  Also on the table is our Railroad Retirement Plan, which the republicans would dearly love to

  carve up.  The UTU tried and almost succeeded in getting the Railroad Retirement Act

  changed to permit the old heads to retire at age 60 with 30 years of service.  It would have also

  vested the new employees in the plan after 5 years.  A couple of republican senators, smelling a

  Bush presidential victory, worked to kill it, and so they did.  (While I'm on the subject, let's not

  forget the Democratic Morons over at the BLE and the BMWE, who by NOT supporting this

  important legislation at the outset, delayed its timely handling by congress, a factor which

  contributed significantly to it's demise). 

  Did someone say "National Agreement?"  Given that former UP Board of Directors Member

  Dick Cheney is now our Vice President Elect, I would be very surprised if we even saw a

  national agreement ratification effort.  The word is that the nations railroads are backing away

  from the tentative deal they made with the UTU, figuring that they would be much better off